Ozami – Music, Celebrity, Sports Entertainment Blog

Pregnant whore and celebrity escort and wannabe EPL WAG Jenny Thompson has had more penile injections than the capacity crowd at Old Trafford which is 75,000 plus! Phew take a deep breath!

But hey let’s keep the storyline on track an international circus company have approached cock eyed Jenny Thompson and want to sign her up as a Juggler in the Big Top! The circus representatives feel that bit of ball juggling will relax the expecting whore!

The circus as we understand from an unnamed source will be giving Jenny Thompson multi colored balls to juggle like :-

•    Black Ball – To remind her of a black footballer for MCFC

•    Pink Ball with a Syrup Logo – Bringing back fond memories of a tufted hair striker for MUFC

•    White Ball with Dwarf Logo – This TV dwarf guy climbed on board too!

•    Three Mixed Color Balls – Representing three strikers from TV Towie series all who got into flagrante delicto with Jenny Thompson.

There are more but too many to list…

The circus feel that the ball juggling will help Jenny Thompson remember who is to be the father to the beautiful baby she is expecting!

Her baby girl is due on Christmas Day! My oh my will it come down the chimney into this world! The operative word is ‘Chimney’ indicative of the size of the opening the baby will appear from! My goodness it is going to be a big hole of an occasion…

Pregnant Jenny Thompson Considering Offer as Juggler in Foreign Circus!…

NB – This report is 100% hearsay from our unnamed Circus source – hence the text herein has to be treated as 100% spoof as we have no way to verify any and/or all of the referenced text and/or data. Hence any names we use are for the spoof and the spoof alone bearing no reflection on real life reality under any and all circumstances…

Legend

Syrup – Cockney  slang for hair wig and/or hair transplant – Attribution to Ozami.Net

These last two years and more it has been very difficult to keep up to speed with how Manchester City striker Mario Balotelli will play on match day. Namely will he turn on the magic score maybe two goals and get the man of the match award! That happens sometimes but in other games he plays, but may as well have not turned up!

But off the field he always turns up and indeed most of the time seems to pose for the paparazzi in an erect position, we suppose this is due to his burgeoning record as a lothario or as someone like Wayne Rooney would say in Manchester – quote – ‘Mario Balotelli is a serial – Knob Hound!’

We have some breaking news just in from Ibiza the Spanish Mediterranean island playground of the rich and famous  a mere ferry ride away from the sun kissed Costa Blanca. Mario Balotelli has just pulled a  new lover, she is sizzling hot French model Vanessa Lawrens! Now the question being asked around Manchester is will Mario Balotelli be bringing the super sexy Vanessa Lawrens to get Mario-ed in Manchester.

She has all the attributes that will keep Mario alert and erect! Watch this space for more news with this sports celeb gossip! At this moment in time Vanessa Lawrens is still a model but if she lands in Manchester then the audacious title of ‘WAG’ will be slapped on her courtesy of The Sun tabloid.

Is Vanessa Lawrens on her way to get Mario-ed in Manchester…

Legend
Vanessa Lawrens – meaning – 23 year old French fashion model from Lomme in the north of  France has modeled for Gucci – Chanel – Adidas and many more leading fashion brands and houses  – Attribution to Ozami.Net

There is a chump who plays for AC Milan called Kevin-Prince Boateng and he is out with a groin injury that will keep him out of action on the football pitch for at least a month

But there is new bizarre twist in the injury mystery the mentally challenged Kevin-Prince Boateng has been shagging a WAG who claims to be a supermodel named Melissa Satta who has now told the press that the groin and/or thigh injury is directly due to Mr Kevin-Prince Boateng having sex up to ten times a week with WAG Melissa Satta!

Melissa Satta – quote – ‘The reason why he is always injured is because we have sex seven to 10 times a week. – more – ‘I hate foreplay, I want to get straight to the point,’ – more – ‘My favourite position is on top so I can take control.’

Please pass me the sick bag, I want to throw up! How is this news UNBELIEVABLE

Thank god for footballers you could not make up this BS.

Kevin-Prince Boateng Groin Injury Caused by WAG Melissa Satta…

It is well known that when he arrived in Manchester as a teenager that when football superstar Cristiano Ronaldo was not playing football, folks that know him say he has a wicked eye always on the lookout for ‘Eye Candy’ ie beautiful women. When he played for Manchester United Cristiano Ronaldo was known as a ‘Man About Town’ often seen with Wayne Rooney and others in the WAG infested night clubs in and around Manchester and the nearby towns.

Then he got the £80million dream move to Spain to join the La Liga giants the mighty Real Madrid where on the pitch he has been a revelation scoring 86 goals in 79 appearances.

However off the pitch with the ‘Eye Candy’ Cristiano Ronaldo has ditched his Manchester style bed hopping and for over a year now has been dating super WAG top Russian supermodel Irina Shayk!

Irina Shayk – Ozami Tale of the Tape
• Birth Name = Irina Shaykhlislamova aka Irina Shayk
• Date of Birth = January 6, 1986 ;
• Place of Birth = Yemanzhelinsk, Russia ;
• Height = 5′ 10” (178 cm) ;
• Hair Color = Light Brown ;
• Eye Color = Green ;
• Weight = 110 lbs (50 kg) ;
• Measurements and vital stats = 34-23-35 US; (86.5-58-88) EU ;
• Dress Size = 4 (US) 34 (EU) ;
• Shoe Size = 7

This girl Irina Shayk is sensational and in our opinion wins hands down as the Ozami WAG of the Year 2011.

Has Cristiano Ronaldo Bagged in Irina Shayk the WAG of the Year…

Abbey Clancy WAG and bed partner of ‘Long Tall Sally’ no that is wrong of ‘EPL Beanpole’ oops wrong again. Let’s try on more time wife of Stoke City footballer Peter Crouch! Phew we had to give that three tries yet that will still not be as many hookers that Crouch hooked up with in Madrid, earlier in the year. Anyway that is all BS the latest celeb news from the high IQ Crouch household is that the Mrs – meaning Abbey Clancy is in all the UK tabloids taking her kit off for Xmas and are we allowed to say this, she finished up wearing only skimpy panties!

My oh My the WAG is topless!

We mentioned the high IQ family as Mr Crouch’s head is very high off the ground.

Abbey Clancy Togs Off for Xmas…