Pregnant whore and celebrity escort and wannabe EPL WAG Jenny Thompson has had more penile injections than the capacity crowd at Old Trafford which is 75,000 plus! Phew take a deep breath!

But hey let’s keep the storyline on track an international circus company have approached cock eyed Jenny Thompson and want to sign her up as a Juggler in the Big Top! The circus representatives feel that bit of ball juggling will relax the expecting whore!

The circus as we understand from an unnamed source will be giving Jenny Thompson multi colored balls to juggle like :-

•    Black Ball – To remind her of a black footballer for MCFC

•    Pink Ball with a Syrup Logo – Bringing back fond memories of a tufted hair striker for MUFC

•    White Ball with Dwarf Logo – This TV dwarf guy climbed on board too!

•    Three Mixed Color Balls – Representing three strikers from TV Towie series all who got into flagrante delicto with Jenny Thompson.

There are more but too many to list…

The circus feel that the ball juggling will help Jenny Thompson remember who is to be the father to the beautiful baby she is expecting!

Her baby girl is due on Christmas Day! My oh my will it come down the chimney into this world! The operative word is ‘Chimney’ indicative of the size of the opening the baby will appear from! My goodness it is going to be a big hole of an occasion…

Pregnant Jenny Thompson Considering Offer as Juggler in Foreign Circus!…

NB – This report is 100% hearsay from our unnamed Circus source – hence the text herein has to be treated as 100% spoof as we have no way to verify any and/or all of the referenced text and/or data. Hence any names we use are for the spoof and the spoof alone bearing no reflection on real life reality under any and all circumstances…

Legend

Syrup – Cockney  slang for hair wig and/or hair transplant – Attribution to Ozami.Net

Three games into the new EPL season and the Spurs fans have turned with a vengeance to stick the knife into the worst manager in world football the useless – AVB – André Villas-Boas.

We have no axe to grind with this guy and we are not going to go on a tirade of disparaging remarks about this clown.

We care too much about Tottenham Hotspur to drop down to the level of the infantile mindset of AVB who has not got a single idea about man management.

Here are a few comments from frustrated Spurs fans and what they think about AVB – André Villas-Boas.

•    IDIOT!! He’s the ONLY reason i’m not rooting for the Spurs currently, and I can’t imagine how many more regulars he’s impacted due to his lack of brains. Rot in Hell Andre Villas Boo-as.

•    As a Spurs fan, I wonder if you can understand how I feel when you have just watched you side play with no guile, cohesion, and inventiveness. Lucky not to lose. At home. But then you sit there and listen to the post match comments of AVB, it make me want to puke, really it does. AVB has got to go, he is useless

•    I said earier this week that Spurs fans were warned about this clown (AVB). Last season Spurs, after a nervous finish, just about finished 4th. This season they will be lucky to finish 4th from bottom if they continue with this clown.

•    Oh yes AVB wanted to get rid of Dawson who is Spurs through and thru, wants to play him now, How can Dawson be expected to play well for a manager who he knows doesnt want him really.

•    AVBs man management skills again,….Boy has he got some learning to do

Comments Attribution to The Sun UK.

This is unbelievable after only three games the situation can only get worse for AVB – André Villas-Boas.

This dummy has to go and has to go now!

At Last the WHL Long Knives Come Out to Chop AVB…

It had to happen to hapless dopey AVB – Andres Villas-Boas it is now officially accepted as the best way to showcase anything and everything that is going wrong in EPL and International football is just to refer to the mistakes as an AVB!

Like Roy Hodgson headlines today in The Sun on Sunday :-

•    I won’t do an AVB

The Sun on Sunday – quote – Roy Hodgson will not do an AVB and axe England’s old guard. – more – The England chief claims the Chelsea career of Andre Villas-Boas is a classic example of the wrong way to discard experienced players. – Attribution to The Sun UK

Roy Hodgson and The Sun have it spot on they know that the AVB acronym is the very best way to showcase and address any football subject or issue! Especially when all fans and supporters can turn it all into jokes that can echo around the EPL grounds around the UK.

However the pending sacking of AVB – Andres Villas-Boas will not be down to the UK Press treating the Spurs manager as the – Joke of the Week – Joke of the Day et al.

No the getting rid of AVB will be a serious matter and personally I would like to see ex Tottenham Hotspur manager David Pleat leading the drive to make sure the White Hart Lane exit for AVB is quick and at the same doing a damage control exit wherein Spurs do not get shafted to pay out millions (it will cost plenty but someone is needed to limit the amount) when the WHL exit door opens for AVB…

David Pleat who is Spurs through and through has a very astute football brain and has shown rock solid commercial acumen down the years. The dichotomy that Spurs are faced with is that club boss Daniel Levy will do nothing about AVB – Andres Villas-Boas as he is the one guy that is responsible for this managerial appointment disaster.

So that leaves the necessity to remove AVB there is no better or more capable hands to do this than David Pleat!

Bookies still have the Tottenham Hotspur manager as favorite to be the first EPL sacking of the new season!

Footnote

EPL Saturday, September 1, 2012

Tottenham Hotspur 1-1 Norwich City

AVB post match comment directed at Spurs fans – quote – ‘You have to accept their disappointment. It has not been the ideal start to the season, but it doesn’t mean that we haven’t been working hard to get the wins that our fans want.’

Maybe the Spurs fans will now  want the removal of both AVB and Daniel Levy!

AVB Now Officially the White Hart Lane Press Joke…

Yes this must be the rubric of the year so far which is sure to knock Prince Harry off the main headlines. But there is a story to tell behind the headlines the rubric is based on hype and nonsense that has been in the UK Tabloids since Wayne Rooney received a bad cut on his thigh in the Manchester United v Fulham EPL match last Saturday.

Here is some of the mumbo jumbo we have seen in the UK gutter press :-
•    Rooney leg will heal but rift with Fergie will not!
•    Rooney has nowhere to go not wanted by Real Madrid – Barca and Inter Milan
•    SAF to sell Rooney for $75 Million Dollars
•    Sir Alex Ferguson to offload Rooney as rift widens

The garbage press never seem to learn the UK public do not want to hear this trash talk day after day they are smarter than that, to The Sun direct only a small fraction of the UK public have pea sized brains like the reality stars on Big Brother. Time to stop fooling around like The Sun and The Daily Star making stories up about Wayne Rooney we appreciate all the hype sells more newspapers. But it comes at a cost which is that you are not telling the truth about  Prince Harry and/or Wayne Rooney. The UK public are smart enough to know all the talk about Wayne Rooney is pure gossip and rumor  – not one single word that has been written about Wayne Rooney came officially from the Manchester United camp. Moreover throwing cocaine into the Prince Harry LV Las Vegas cocktail is yet another ploy to get the advertiser’s millions.

Maybe before the weeks out the UK gutter press are going to run another exclusive on Imogen Thomas in baby scan sensation – ex Ryan Giggs flunky went to the hospital this week for a baby scan and the doctor came back with the startling news that all was well with the baby – but the bass guitar he was playing in the womb while singing Beatles song ‘All you need is Love’ was out of tune – So we got her agent to call The Sun with the exclusive  -  the editor struck a deal and agreed to pay Imogen Thomas half a million pounds for the story.

So we are expecting rubrics like this later this week from The Sun or similar…………
•    Imogen Thomas Expecting a Baby Boy Playing an out of tune Bass Guitar
•    Prince Harry to have Cocaine Discussion with Ricky Hatton
•    Wayne Rooney quits Football for Boxing to fight Ricky Hatton at The Royal Albert Hall

Unconfirmed reports coming in on this sporting sensation a close friend of Frank Warren says that Frank has signed up Wayne Rooney to fight Ricky Hatton at The Royal Albert Hall. For what will be the boxing fight of the Year! At stake will be the title of Boxing Tubby Weight Champion of Greater Manchester. Both fighters will have to weigh in under 13 stone. Manchester United official bookmaker Fred Done has opened a book and has Rooney at 2/1 on to win by KO and there is more to come Fred has Wayne ‘Podgy’ Rooney at 4/1 on to KO Ricky ‘Fatman’ Hatton in Round 1. Legendary boxing trainer Freddie Roach is expected to be named as trainer for Podgy Rooney in the coming days. In case Rooney has a fluke in the ring and obtains a bad cut above the knee like the cut against Fulham – Rooney has opted for Freddie Roach to bring his cuts man on to the Podgy Rooney Team. Hatton is said alleged (rumor again) to  be negotiating a major new sponsor deal with Team Columbia Cocaine. Ricky Hatton is as millions know a lousy fighter but he is a master at hype and promotion and seems to have pulled off a major pre fight coup as he has sent Prince Harry 20 free ringside seats. To close on more pending sponsorship deals – Frank Warren on behalf of Podgy Rooney is rumored to be in advanced negotiations for the ‘Podgy Man’ to be sponsored by Sir Alex Ferguson Bloodstock Racing.

We do know three facts that are accurate everyday in The Sun – The Name – The Date and The Price! – The rest like our own rubric here is likely to be pure baloney…

Want to read all the latest sports and celeb gossip look no farther than…

Wayne Rooney to leave Manchester United…

EPL Mid Week Round Up for Weekend August 25 – 26 2012

So the second weekend of the new EPL – English Premier League is over and here is a brief rundown on all the results and action

EPL Saturday August 25, 2012

Swansea City 3-0 West Ham United
Not much to say in favor of WHU 2-0 down at the break, then Swansea made it three and the game was all over leaving Big Sam and the West Ham squad a long journey back to London – time to dwell on where it all went wrong. A stellar start for new Swansea team boss Michael Laudrup maximum points six from six!

Aston Villa 1-3 Everton
Everton are firing on all cylinders two games two wins, one scalp being the mighty Manchester United. Great start for the Toffees who do not usually start a new EPL season on fire. Aston Villa look tired already only two games into the campaign looking set for a long hard season where success looks to be avoiding relegation at best.

Chelsea 2-0 Newcastle United
Chelsea have maintained the same form that saw them crowned Champions of Europe when they hoisted the Champions League Cup 2012. Now they have new arrival Eden Hazzard who looks and plays like a super star. CFC have played three and clear at the top of the EPL with 9 points. To the rest the chase is on…

Norwich City  1-1 Queens Park Rangers
Norwich a side that have all the signs of being a mid table none event team were up against QPR managed by the hapless Mark Hughes. For the five people in  the UK who may be interested the score was a one all draw. QPR are odds on for relegation and that will surely duly happen minus Mark Hughes who will get fired around Xmas and the new year time 2013.

Southampton 0-2 Wigan Athletic
It is tough in the EPL when newly promoted and you come up against a lively team like Wigan Athletic who showed the Saints that they are in for a tough season especially if all teams play like the visitors in this match they were set up well, creative as the two goals showed and had dare we say the word a hint that they have wee bit of class in the side. On this form one can expect to see Wigan Athletic sitting pretty in the middle of the EPL table. As for Southampton it will be a long hard season and the Championship trapdoor will be open wide, on this form the Saints have it all to do

Tottenham Hotspur 1-1 West Bromwich Albion
New Spurs boss clueless AVB – Andres Villas- Boas confirmed why he is hot bookies favorite for the first EPL manager to be sacked! Why Not? The bookies have it just right at odds of 1/2  as 1 point from 2 games means 19 points from 38 games which is automatic relegation!

EPL Sunday August 26, 2012

Liverpool 2-2 Manchester City
Well two teams who often deliver more BS than football but this game kept the fans happy as four goals were scored in the game. Two each so I suppose both sides will feel a point each is a point gained rather than 2 points lost. Liverpool on paper look like a very ordinary squad no change that a poor team. As for City I doubt whether they will be able to live with Chelsea and Manchester United this year and they will do well to finish the year third in the EPL

Stoke City 0-0 Arsenal
Britannia Ground home of Stoke City is a fortress backed up by maybe the most vocal supporters in the EPL. So visitors Arsenal never looked  like scoring and Stoke were not up for breaking out and leaving gaps that may have given the Gunners goal scoring opportunities. Stoke always line up the same way at home for all the visiting teams except the top four they will go for a win. But when the likes of Arsenal – Manchester United – Chelsea and any other team in the top four come to the Potteries. Stoke will park the bus and settle for a draw which they see as a point won.

Reading v Sunderland – Game Postponed

EPL Mid Week Round Up for Weekend August 25 – 26 2012..

Spurs fans are already after the hapless new coach super loser AVB – Andre Villas-Boas he takes the side way up north in the EPL season opener and instead of setting up for a draw which is a great result at fortress Newcastle home of NUFC. He goes for a win gets opened up by the Geordies who then smell blood and trounce Spurs 2-1!

This dopey coach has a lot to answer for, as for the umpteenth time in the EPL he has shown zero tactical awareness. EPL Teams simply do not play away at NUFC and play Newcastle United off the park … that is 99 times out of 100 not going to happen.

Yet the arrogant AVB – Andre Villas-Boas did just that in his first match in charge of Tottenham Hotspur then they crash and burn in a resounding defeat that looking at the way AVB has Spurs set up will be the start of a run of devastating defeats…

The UK bookmakers by Monday will have this inept clown as the favorite for the first EPL manager sacking of the new 2012-2013 English Premier League season. The loyal Spurs supporters are one of the most astute in English football and are sure to give AVB – Andre Villas-Boas a torrid time when Spurs play the first EPL home game at White Hart Lane!
•    AVB – A very bad coach get out now!
•    AVB – A very bad coach get out now!
Echoing from the packed terraces of White Hart Lane

Harry Redknapp to be back at the helm with Spurs by Christmas 2012 at the latest…

How on earth this inept coach ever got the job as manager of Tottenham Hotspur is beyond belief!

AVB A Very Bad Loss at NUFC Opens Way For Harry Redknapp to Return…

The best signing of the 2012 EPL close season is the sensational news that Robin van Persie is set to leave Arsenal and join the mighty Manchester United

The Old Trafford terraces will go wild about Robin van Persie
ManU Persie Tra-la-la la-la he is Robin players and scoring goals Tra-la-la la-la
ManU Persie Tra-la-la la-la he is Robin players and scoring goals Tra-la-la la-la

This is a stellar hallmark signing by super shrewd coaching legend SAF – Sir Alex Ferguson he buys in ManU Persie for cash payment of £22 million pounds then hands RVP an £18 million pounds pay deal so the package rounds off at a tidy £40 million pounds. But here is the kicker the guy is cheap at this price because if injury free OT get 3 seasons out of the 29 year old that is only just over £7 million a year for a player that will have notched in at least 60 goals plus in that time. £7 million pounds a year a lot of money to some but pin money to Manchester United as for his wages that is the going rate for top EPL players. The real upside is that goals scored often converts into matches won in both the EPL and the Champions League

However moving on to the benefits of the deal for Arsenal and the wily guru Arsene Wenger, RVP wanted out and Wenger always needs money and this way Arsenal bag £22 million pounds for a player with only one year left on his playing contract – so for the first player to be sold by Arsenal to Manchester United since Viv Anderson in 1987 this is a good deal all round both for the Gunners and the Red Devils.

Anyone think this article is biased and that I am a Manchester United supporter – dead right I am!

Robin ManU Persie Signs On At Old Trafford…

The agony is over for the beleaguered Blackburn Rovers as they finally drop through the EPL – English Premier League trapdoor as they lose at home to Wigan Athletic 0-1

So what went wrong – that cannot be correct what went right – NOTHING!

Starting from the top down the Indian owners Venkys are USELESS they have not got a clue about basic football let alone being trusted with the ownership of an EPL team like Blackburn Rovers

Steve Kean is a wally or better still a COMPLETE WALLY! Has acted more like a muppet than an EPL manager the bottom line with this inept so called coach is that he is simply not up the task of being capable of managing a successful EPL team

Finally the players all who’s confidence is shot they had virtually no chance of surviving way back in August 2011 so it has been agony, it will be a long time before they get re-organized and are seen back in the EPL in the near future!

Blackburn Rovers Relegated May 7 in Loss to Wigan…

This is not a laughing matter – however it is very funny so here goes. It relates to what people in the UK – United Kingdom know about life and real life issues like geography and other basic subjects

• We will start with EPL – English Premier League football overheard SAF – Sir Alex Ferguson talking off camera to WR – Wayne Rooney – quote – SAF ‘Wayne I want you to score 8 goals in the next 5 Matches’ – more – WR ‘Eh you what Boss!’ – more – SAF ‘You know Wayne 2 times your IQ = 8 goals’ – more – WR ‘Oh sorry boss now I understand I was thinking about a MILF with big knockers at the time that is why I could not work out 8!’ – more – SAF ‘WTF’…

• One in five UK people do not know the countries that make up the United Kingdom

• If SAF is right and the average IQ of an EPL footballer is 4 no wonder the WAGs do not know anything about geography then what do these pretty girls know – seems that their duties are to take care of footballer’s balls. Um that makes sense we assume!

• Six out of ten could not name the highest peak in England some of the answers were Mount Everest – Ben Nevis – Snowden – the answer is Scafell Pike

• One in 3 people believe Manchester – Glasgow and Birmingham are surrounded by the Home Counties which of course surround London

• Over fifty percent of people did not know Balmoral Castle is in Scotland.

• We just have to throw this one in somewhere when Jamie O’Hara the Wolves footballer first met WAG Danielle Lloyd he had no idea she had had been used as a dartboard by pricks!

• Over 25 percent of the folks thought Ayers Rock was in England it is of course a famous Australian landmark

UK High Street Intelligence Questionnaire…

As of March, 10, 2012 – Five clubs have become detached from the rest in the EPL – English Premier League table they are Wigan Athletic – Blackburn Rovers – QPR aka Queens Park Rangers – Bolton Wanderers – and finally Wolverhampton Wanderers aka Wolves quite frankly there is not much to chose between these teams as they all on form, do not have the quality and the grit needed to climb up the table.

Let us look briefly at QPR managed by the hapless Mark Hughes with only 22 points they are poor when playing their best. Then we have Blackburn Rovers also on 22 points with little form and a manager Steve Kean who quite frankly does not look up to the task of keeping the Rovers up. Next also on 22 points are the Birmingham side Wolves who recently showed the door to Mick McCarthy and upgraded Terry Connor into the hot seat – but they look clueless and seem set to drop out the EPL – English Premier League come May this year when all the talking will be over as they get relegated down to the Championship League. Next in the shakedown are Bolton 20 points who are arguably the best of all these five teams but for some unknown reason they are not firing off this season. Then at the very bottom also on 20 points we have Wigan Athletic who are shall we say struggling period.

Is it down to these 5 teams oh yes for sure as the gap between QPR and next team above in the table Aston Villa is eight points yes a massive 8 points as Villa already look safe as they have notched 30 points and they have 11 games to play to reach the mystical 40 points that usually ensures EPL football for one more season. But the reality is that if any of the present bottom five get 35 points come May I will be surprised!

So to drop out the EPL it has to be Wolverhampton Wanderers aka Wolves – plus any two from four – Take Your Pick!

Is the Drop a Certainty for EPL Side Wolves…

Manchester United 5 – Wigan 0

There is one undisputable fact about footballers in the EPL – English Premier League some are steady reliable journeymen. They play week in week out ‘Steady as a Rock’ never letting the team down yet never grabbing the headlines. Then you have the top players whose best form comes and goes, experts say ‘Form is variable – Class is Permanent’ this is the category they fit into like the great veteran Manchester United superstar Ryan Giggs – John Terry the Chelsea center back – Ashley Cole another Blues player who is one of the best full backs in the world – Joey Barton fans love him or hate him but he is without doubt one of the best midfield players playing in the EPL today.

Then you have the rare breed the flair players the players that can do unbelievable things with ball, play the game so skillfully in a relaxed manner – that to watch they make football look easy! They are special and only a few come along every generation. In 2011 Spurs have one in the mercurial Luka Modric who plays football like a dream as he jinks – twists and glides over the turf with the ball under such tight control one may think it is tethered to his feet – such are the amazing skills of this wonderfully creative midfield genius.

Then one has to travel up north to Manchester to find a striker – a goal poacher extraordinaire – the laconic goalmouth magician Dimitar Berbatov. Now this genius is a luxury that only the very rich clubs can afford to keep on the payroll, because they do not play often – not because they are injured – but as in the case of Dimitar Berbatov who only wants to play in the box and has a reluctance to play and work for the rest of the team. But when guys like Dimitar Berbatov play they are electric like on Boxing Day when Dimitar Berbatov scored a magical hat-trick as United hammered a 10-man Wigan Athletic side 5-0

Berbatov hits Stunning Boxing Day Hat Trick v Wigan…

Two of the all time ‘Gunners’ greats are modern day sporting superstars Robin van Persie and Thierry Henry. Both can be categorized as great goal scorers both in the EPL – English Premier League and the CL – Champions League not forgetting of course a hatful of goals they have each scored for their national teams RVP – Holland and TH – France.
But it is at the old Highbury stadium and the new Emirates Stadium where Robin van Persie and Thierry Henry have excelled for Arsenal FC.

Robin van Persie has just equalled Thierry Henry’s Arsenal record for scoring 34 Premier League goals in a calendar year.

The Dutchman has scored 34 times in 2011 and has two matches left this year to try and beat all time EPL record of 36 by Alan Shearer in 1995.

RVP – Robin van Persie had this to say – quote – “It is a big honour to equal Thierry’s record because he is probably the best player Arsenal ever had. ” – more – “To achieve what he did in a year is really special. It makes me proud.”

RVP – Robin van Persie beats Thierry Henry Arsenal Goal Score Record…

Well as one would expect there was a whole boat load of contenders for the ‘EPL Incompetence Award of 2011’

The list is almost endless starting with Alan Pardew boss at Newcastle United who is similar to a Yorkshire Pudding all soft and covered in onion gravy. EPL players hundreds are in the shuffle but arguably standing alone as the ‘Prat of the Year’ is Manchester City want away striker Carlos Tevez. EPL Managers a heap of no hopers but right at the bottom where he belongs is Blackburn Rovers boss Steve Kean – who should be called the ‘Great Survivor’ but he is still in a job thanks to the winners of the ‘EPL Incompetence Award of 2011’ the unbelievably incompetent owners of Blackburn Rovers the Indian company Venky’s.

Runners up take your pick from Joey Barton – John Terry – Mario Balotelli – Ashley Cole – Mike Ashley – Peter Crouch – Luis Suarez and so on the names just keep rolling off the keyboard.

EPL Incompetence Award of 2011…

In EPL football there is the helpless like Blackburn Rovers. Then the useless owners like Venky’s of Blackburn Rovers. All topped up with the worst manager to ever manage an EPL football team Steve Kean, and believe me that is some statement as there have been some bad ones down the years.

But we understand that a Venky’s chef started to spit roast Steve Kean early on Wednesday morning and when he is done he is going to be minced up into Steve Kean Pies. Then the Venky’s to appease the Blackburn Rovers fans will hand out Xmas sacks filled with mini Steve Kean Pies.

Early Christmas Sack Special Roasted Steve Kean Pie…

The end of year EPL transfer window is now open and the tabloids are full of transfer news speculation and pages of gossip and rumors.

But one thing is certain down at Stamford Bridge Chelsea FC is not a happy camp either on the pitch – off the pitch – or in dealing with the hapless clueless manager AVB. Many players are unsettled and when they are on the pitch look like they could not care less!

Didier Drogba is one exception he is on fire, and playing out of his skin, but the problems lies with the dummy who is the manager AVB, so one has to ask will Didier Drogba say enough is enough and leave to join a new club. AVB has been dithering about offering the striker a new contract and it looks to outsiders that AVB has lost the confidence of most of the dressing room. So in our opinion if the best player they have on current form decides to leave then surely Lampard and others will jump off the sinking Stamford Bridge ship!

Will Didier Drogba leave AVB led Chelsea FC…

Legend
AVB – meaning – Andre Villas-Boas the Portuguese Chelsea FC Manager
EPL – meaning – English Premier League