MaxxRunn
07-14-2008, 11:56 PM
A bar is located across the street from a school for the hearing impaired. Every evening after classes, members of the faculty come into the bar and have a drink. They use sign language to talk and sometimes their conversations become quite intense. One afternoon a group of the teachers are sitting at a table and are being overly rambunctious in their sign language: their hands are held high, and they are swaying back and forth. The bartender becomes quite agitated and says to one of his customers sitting at the bar, "Now they'll never go home." "What do you mean?" asks the customer. "You can't get them the hell out of here once they start singing!"
The prostitute had an appointment with her psychiatrist. When she entered at his office he asked her to lie on the couch. "If you don't mind," she said, "I've been working all day. Do you mind if I stand?" One intimate question led to another and the prostitute and her psychiatrist ended up on his couch in a very sexy session. When it was over they lay silent for a moment and then both said simultaneously, "That will be two hundred dollars, please."
Henry rents a room in a boardinghouse and makes a deal with the landlady to pay a substantially higher rate if she will make lunch for him to take to work. The first day she takes great pains to make a hearty lunch with a roast-beef sandwich loaded with meat as the main course. When Henry comes home from work, she asks how he liked the lunch. He replied, "Not bad ... what there was of it." The next day she makes two sandwiches. When he gets home, he has the same response to her question: "Not bad ... what there was of it." The next day the landlady takes a whole loaf of French bread, slices it down the middle, and loads it with three pounds of cold cuts. When Henry comes home from work that evening, he slams his lunch box down on the table and says, "Back to one fucking sandwich again, I see!"
Two men were talking. "So, how's your sex life?" "Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex." "Social Security sex?" "Yeah, you know: I get a little each month, but not enough to live on."
Two guys are drinking together at a bar and go into the bathroom. Standing at the latrine, Bill notices that his buddy is very well endowed. "Wasn't always that way," the buddy says. "It's a transplant. I had it done over on Harley Street. It cost a thousand bucks, but as you can see, it's well worth every cent." So Bill visits the doctor on Harley Street that day. Six months later, the two guys meet up again at the bar. Bill explains, "I took your advice, but you were robbed. I got mine for $500, not a thousand." They go back to the restroom to compare. "No wonder," his buddy says, "That's my old one."
Three geezers are sitting on a porch in Miami Beach. Suddenly the first sighs and says, "Gentlemen, isn't life horrible. Here I am at an age that I can afford the best steaks and what? Bad teeth and gums. I have to eat ground or soft foods." The second answers, "Yeah, life is a real bummer. Why here I am at an age where I can buy the finest wines, champagne but what? Ulcers, I have to drink milk." The third sighs loudly and adds, "Gentlemen, I know exactly what you mean. Last night at 2 am I nudged my wife and asked her if she's interested. She screams at me, "What is wrong with you Sam? We just got finished doing it for the second time tonight!" After a long pause the first man says, "So what is your problem?" The third one grunts and says, "Can't you see? My memory is fucked!"
A gentleman goes to see the doctor about getting something done about his missing penis, which he lost in the war. The doctor asks the man how many males were in his family and the gentleman replied seven. The doctor said if they all agreed, he could take an inch off of each male and the gentleman would have a eight inch penis. The gentleman asked the other males in his family if they would agree to having the surgery and everyone said yes. The next day all eight males went into the hospital to have the surgery. After it was all performed the doctor told the gentleman that he had a brand new eight inch penis, but to be extremely careful with it and to come back and see him in a week. The next week the gentleman goes back to see the doctor and the doctor asked him how his new penis was working. The gentleman replied, "Great doc, but I only have one question. Whose brilliant fucking idea was it to put grandpa's piece in the middle?"
The prostitute had an appointment with her psychiatrist. When she entered at his office he asked her to lie on the couch. "If you don't mind," she said, "I've been working all day. Do you mind if I stand?" One intimate question led to another and the prostitute and her psychiatrist ended up on his couch in a very sexy session. When it was over they lay silent for a moment and then both said simultaneously, "That will be two hundred dollars, please."
Henry rents a room in a boardinghouse and makes a deal with the landlady to pay a substantially higher rate if she will make lunch for him to take to work. The first day she takes great pains to make a hearty lunch with a roast-beef sandwich loaded with meat as the main course. When Henry comes home from work, she asks how he liked the lunch. He replied, "Not bad ... what there was of it." The next day she makes two sandwiches. When he gets home, he has the same response to her question: "Not bad ... what there was of it." The next day the landlady takes a whole loaf of French bread, slices it down the middle, and loads it with three pounds of cold cuts. When Henry comes home from work that evening, he slams his lunch box down on the table and says, "Back to one fucking sandwich again, I see!"
Two men were talking. "So, how's your sex life?" "Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex." "Social Security sex?" "Yeah, you know: I get a little each month, but not enough to live on."
Two guys are drinking together at a bar and go into the bathroom. Standing at the latrine, Bill notices that his buddy is very well endowed. "Wasn't always that way," the buddy says. "It's a transplant. I had it done over on Harley Street. It cost a thousand bucks, but as you can see, it's well worth every cent." So Bill visits the doctor on Harley Street that day. Six months later, the two guys meet up again at the bar. Bill explains, "I took your advice, but you were robbed. I got mine for $500, not a thousand." They go back to the restroom to compare. "No wonder," his buddy says, "That's my old one."
Three geezers are sitting on a porch in Miami Beach. Suddenly the first sighs and says, "Gentlemen, isn't life horrible. Here I am at an age that I can afford the best steaks and what? Bad teeth and gums. I have to eat ground or soft foods." The second answers, "Yeah, life is a real bummer. Why here I am at an age where I can buy the finest wines, champagne but what? Ulcers, I have to drink milk." The third sighs loudly and adds, "Gentlemen, I know exactly what you mean. Last night at 2 am I nudged my wife and asked her if she's interested. She screams at me, "What is wrong with you Sam? We just got finished doing it for the second time tonight!" After a long pause the first man says, "So what is your problem?" The third one grunts and says, "Can't you see? My memory is fucked!"
A gentleman goes to see the doctor about getting something done about his missing penis, which he lost in the war. The doctor asks the man how many males were in his family and the gentleman replied seven. The doctor said if they all agreed, he could take an inch off of each male and the gentleman would have a eight inch penis. The gentleman asked the other males in his family if they would agree to having the surgery and everyone said yes. The next day all eight males went into the hospital to have the surgery. After it was all performed the doctor told the gentleman that he had a brand new eight inch penis, but to be extremely careful with it and to come back and see him in a week. The next week the gentleman goes back to see the doctor and the doctor asked him how his new penis was working. The gentleman replied, "Great doc, but I only have one question. Whose brilliant fucking idea was it to put grandpa's piece in the middle?"