The Daily Weird

[MarcusMaximus]

The Daily Weird
3/19/2008

http://img324.imageshack.us/img324/3112/weird0tn.jpg


Things To Worry About On Wednesday
Blood-farming in Uttar Pradesh / Saudi women, burqas, but Saudi camels, ooo-la-la! / Emerging excellence in homicide-charge denials / The phallic solution to the financial crisis / And more!

Civilization in Decline
In Riyadh, the sacred institution of holy matrimony was commenced for Mohammed al-Rashidi: "I am ready for this marriage. It will help me study better." (Dude's 11, ol' lady's 10 (http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,23400779-401,00.html)) . . . . . In Uttar Pradesh state in India, authorities raided a "blood farm" (http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/south_asia/7302649.stm) (aka a contractor that supplies product for blood banks) and rescued 17 virtual catatonics who had apparently been supplying way too much of that "product."

The Human Condition Today
82 yrs old, he started to clean his septic tank but fell in head first, legs kicking, and his wife (http://wcco.com/local/septic.tank.death.2.679389.html) couldn't rescue him in time . . . . . Some richer, old-line Saudis have this thing for, er, camels (http://www.nytimes.com/2008/03/17/world/middleeast/17camels.html?_r=2&scp=1&sq=zoepf&st=nyt&oref=slogin&oref=slogin) ("It's just like judging a beautiful girl. You look for big eyes, long lashes, and a long neck, maybe 39 or 40 inches") ("She isn't married yet, this one. She's still a virgin. Look at the black eyes, the soft fur. The fur is trimmed so it's short and clean, just like a girl going to a party.") [Shouldn't the animal-rights activists be protecting these sweeties' modesty, with camel burqas?] . . . . . No no no, I didn't kill my wife, said Hans Reiser, on trial in Oakland, Calif., except that on the stand, he admitted several times that he's an a-hole (http://cbs5.com/local/reiser.cross.examination.2.679861.html) [Ed.: word modified for e-mail readers], but not a murderer! . . . . . But even more panache was shown by Jeffrey Gilham, on trial for 3 murders in Australia: Oh, yes, I stabbed my brother to death in 1993, he said, but I didn't have nuthin' to do with the killings of my mom and dad, who were stabbed to death in the same spot at the same time with the same weapon with about the same number of blows by a killer crouching in the same position. (http://www.smh.com.au/news/national/stabbing-similarities-just-a-coincidence-court-told/2008/03/18/1205602385213.html)

Your Daily Loser
Nita Sureka, 28, taking her driver's test in a Washington, D.C., suburb, crashed into the DMV building. (http://loudounextra.washingtonpost.com/news/2008/mar/17/woman-taking-driving-test-crashes-dmv/?local)

People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
You're Michael Hamilton. You're horny. The aesthetically challenged Kelli Still, 43, is the best you can do. Why, Kelli'll even do it just for gas money. Not a moment made in heaven. We don't even know whether Michael got any or not, but, for his trouble, he did get the hell stabbed out of him. (http://www.azfamily.com/yahoo_rss/stories/phoenix_local_news_031708_sex-for-gas.64a69ded.html)

Your Daily Jury Duty
[no fair examining the evidence; verdict based on mugshot only]
A special delight from TheSmokingGun.com: Floyd Bebee, 48, and his son Justin, 21, (http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2008/0318083forehead1.html) both charged with something or other:

NOTW Lite
A busy UK highway "at Llandrindgod Wells" got closed down for 10 hours so horny frogs could hop on (http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/wales/mid_/7298115.stm) [not "horned frogs," "horny" frogs] . . . . . Fine Points of the Law: The feds are sending to trial a man, 48, who pretty much intended to fly to Costa Rica primarily to do a teenage prostitute, which would be illegal under U.S. law, but they arrested him before he even got on the plane to leave, so where's the illegal act? (What if he'd gotten cold feet and never gone through with meeting her?) . . . . . A Dutch winemaker just had his nose insured (http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/bizarre/5629823.html) by Lloyd's of London for $8m ($2m less than Ms. America Ferrera had her "smile" insured by Lloyd's) . . . . . "With the economy, with the Bear Stearns thing happening today, why not a giant penis on the roof (http://www.azcentral.com/news/articles/12n-0317drawing-CR.html)?" -- Ryan Walker (whose good friends painted that G.P. on the roof 6 months ago to see how long it'd take Ryan to discover it [answer: 6 months!])

Update
Yr Editor wrote [NOTW Daily, 3-7-2008 (http://newsoftheweird.blogspot.com/2008_03_07_newsoftheweird_archive.html)]:

Can't Possibly Be True: The Daily Mail may have reported just a stunt here, passed off as local-gov't news, but anyway, following a survey on how unobservant London pedestrians are when texting, the sidewalks on one busy street had padding added to lampposts to reduce texters' shoulder separations, etc. . . . .

According to this piece in Britain's media trade journal, Press Gazette, a stunt is just what it was (http://www.pressgazette.co.uk/story.asp?storycode=40564&encCode=9847097351BC8838163JTBS737226611), so Yr Editor is exempt from the ridicule. This is Pro Edition; Yr Editor looks out for you!

Professor Music's Weird Links
Two new top-of-the-line entries at Bmezine.com's Modblog (http://modblog.bmezine.com/2008/03/18/i-think-you-missed-your-mouth/) (2nd one would be Not Safe For Work(tm) the first, Not Safe For Stomachs(tm)) (They're the top two on 3-18-2008, but if you're late coming to this, this is the first story (http://modblog.bmezine.com/2008/03/18/i-think-you-missed-your-mouth/), and this is the second (http://modblog.bmezine.com/2008/03/18/best-white-power-tattoo-ever/))

[jack schitt]

I couldn't get past the freaky eyes to actually read that properly...

[MarcusMaximus]

okay - I changed the picture. the weirdo with the eyes was not weird - just creepy.

really creepy.

so I changed it. Better??

[jack schitt]

rofl depends on your perspective I guess...

[joyvy67]

The Daily Weird


3-legged 4×4 tortoise




http://img182.imagevenue.com/loc561/th_95237_3-legged-4x4-tortoise_123_561lo.jpg (http://img182.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=95237_3-legged-4x4-tortoise_123_561lo.jpg)

Tina the tortoise has been given a lift after being fitted with a suspension system and a pneumatic tyre to help her cope with muddy terrain. The three-legged reptile can now go ‘off-road’ after the 4×4-style system was attached to her shell.
Tina was fitted with a plastic wheel four years ago to replace her rear right leg.
But our increasingly warmer autumns mean Tina hibernates later in the year, leaving her battling to cope with muddy grass and slopes and dead leaves.
So the rudimentary wheel has now been replaced with an air-filled tyre and a spring suspension system with shock absorber.

[MarcusMaximus]

The Daily Weird

3/21/2008

http://home.att.net/~chuckayoub/strange_days.jpg

Things To Worry About On Saturday
Teaching un-horny Singaporeans how to flirt / R.I.P. a Tennessee pastor, punked out by a goat / Off-off-off-off-Broadway (actually, a Central Park men's room) / The Great Crescent City Pee Robbery / And more!

Civilization in Decline
Found on the mean streets of Marietta, Ohio, last week: green crack (http://www.dispatch.com/live/content/local_news/stories/2008/03/20/green.html?rfr=nwsl) (a St. Pat's day special, or just candy-colored crack, for kids?) (previously: red crack for Christmas!) . . . . . In 20 states, sex offenders who are detained past their sentences are not technically "prisoners" and are therefore eligible to loot federal Pell Grants (http://www.cnn.com/2008/CRIME/03/17/offenders.grants.ap/index.html). . . . . Miami-Dade County said, well, yes, its 250,000 unlicensed drivers (most didn't learn to drive right, or had their licenses taken away) are a problem and that it will try to modify its current policy, which is, basically, who cares? (http://www.miamiherald.com/news/breaking_news/story/461800.html)

The Human Condition Today
Two gals tried to swipe packages from a DHL driver near Crescent City, Calif. (i.e., some urine tests headed for the lab, because they were sure theirs would test positive, and they'd be off to jail), and will now do 3 yrs in prison for their trouble and for testing positive when arrested for the swipe (but by the way, their original samples turned out clean) (http://www.times-standard.com/ci_8609666?source=rss) . . . . . Very undignified: A Clarksville, Tenn., Baptist minister, age 76, attempting to put an escaped goat back in the pen, was found fatally self-hogtied with the goat on top of him (http://www.theleafchronicle.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080319/NEWS01/803190338/1002/NEWS17) . . . . . Arrested for a murder in Wisconsin: Mr. James Hole [photo] (http://www.madison.com/wsj/topstories/277819) (Bonus: His middle initial is A) . . . . . If you arrive for your appointment and see your dentist passed out on the floor, drooling from his gas (http://www.nypost.com/seven/03202008/news/regionalnews/dentist_gassed_out_and_passed_out__cops_102759.htm ) mask, you're in Dr. Norman Rubin's office (a 6-time loser in Illinois, but allowed to practice in Smithtown, N.Y.) . . . . . Not quite Yr Editor's iconic "flying cow" death, but still: A 57-yr-old woman, sitting placidly on a boat in the Florida Keys, was fatally attacked by a flying stingray (http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/03/20/stingray/index.html) (death by blunt force, not the Irwinian barb) . . . . . Family Values: Raymond Wall, 51, arrested for identity theft, running up a $4,700 tab; victim was a young soldier on active duty overseas named Robert Wall (yep) (http://www.pennlive.com/midstate/index.ssf/2008/03/solders_father_stole_his_ident.html) . . . . . Vanity Pays: St. Paul cab driver Roy Carlson Jr uses hair styling gel because, y'know, cab drivers are like models and actors, always have to be sharp, but then when a teenage girl turned violent on him and slashed his throat, he survived, only because she couldn't get that good a grip on his hair (http://www.startribune.com/local/stpaul/16840461.html)when she tried to pull his head back . . . . . We're moving to the End Game on these Signs From Above: A woman in Elyria, Ohio, opened her package of frozen fish sticks, saw two of them stuck together in a "cross," and is sure it's the Lord answering her long-time prayers for a new van (http://www.newsnet5.com/news/15633657/detail.html), i.e., eBay!

Your Daily Loser
Donald Archie Baker, 51, concerned about meeting his court date the next morning in Peterborough, Ont., did the logical thing: He called 911 to ask for a wake-up call. No can do. OK, he called the police non-emergency number to ask for the wake-up call. No can do, either, but by the way, Mr. Baker, we see here that you have yet another arrest warrant on the books. There'll be an additional court date you'll have to wake up for. (http://www.mykawartha.com/news/article/27539)

People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
Singapore, home of an aging, passion-challenged population, is, via the gov't, offering classes to young people on how to flirt (http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20080320/od_uk_nm/oukoe_uk_holdsingapore_love) ("My teacher said if a guy looks into my eyes for more than five seconds, it could mean that he is attracted to me, and I stand a chance," said Isabel, age 18). Ouch.

Your Daily Jury Duty
[no fair examining the evidence; verdict based on mugshot only]
James Eggleston (http://www.komotv.com/news/local/16797671.html), 59, charged with traveling to meet kids for sex

NOTW Lite
Irish playwright Paul Walker's making quite a name for himself in New York's Central Park because his new production Ladies & Gents is staged entirely in one of the park's restrooms (http://cbs3.com/watercooler/central.park.public.2.680713.html) (because, well, a playwright likes to take the audience out of its "comfort zone," and how better than Toilet Theater?) . . . . . Fine Points of the Law: A Texas appeals court ruled, definitively, that there is such a thing as an "ankle" (http://www.ksat.com/news/15645009/detail.html) (It's not that Texans are that slow; it's that podiatrists said their authorization to treat the "foot" included the portion that we non-pods call the ankle, but M.D.'s said ankles are separate from feet) . . . . . There's a certain symmetry to this: In India's Madhya Pradesh state, if you'll get a vasectomy, the gov't will green-light your application for a gun license, sort of, y'know, reducing your virility here, giving it back there. (http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20080318/od_afp/healthindiapopulationfamilyplanningguns_0803181628 58;_ylt=AuLzhyqQB88NLiusImKzPtygOrgF)

Updates
(1) Waddah Mustapha of Winsdor, Ont., has reached Canada's Supreme Court with his appeal. He's the guy who won the then-equivalent of US$270k because seeing a fly in a bottle of water caused him "major depression, anxiety, specific phobias, and obsessional thoughts" [NOTW 901 (http://www.newsoftheweird.com/archive/nw050515.html), 5-15-2005]. An appeals court overturned the award, but he wants the Supremes to get it back for him. Says Mustapha, "We all know flies of that kind, with the blue butts (http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20080319/od_afp/canadacourtoffbeat_080319192458)," are public health problems. (2) Marvin Pro-Life Richardson, who officially adopted the middle name to make it easier to win public office so that he could fight against abortion (but was shut down in his 2006 governor's race because the middle name looked too contrived for Idaho officials [NOTW Daily, 9-20-2006]), has now changed his whole damn name to Pro-Life. Not Pro-Life Richardson. Just Pro-Life (http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2008/03/19/national/main3949353.shtml). And he said he'll run for office until he's elected [starting with the U.S. Senate race to replace Larry Craig, who is building a nice retirement men's room in the Coeur d'Alene Mountains]. (3) It's Good Friday, which means a couple dozen Filipinos are either getting themselves beaten bloody (as punishment for their various sins) or actually crucifying themselves, with nails, on wooden crosses. The gov't knows it's coming, and apparently knows it cannot stop the true believers, and so this year issued a consumer advisory urging them to, please, fuck yourselves up prudently (http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20080319/od_afp/lifestylephilippinesreligioneasteroffbeat_08031916 3344;_ylt=AlSwHVF8x1sdoxHVFW4y5regOrgF), by using clean whips and sterilized nails.

NOTW, The Blog
On Wednesday, a naive web news editor (well, either that or a groundbreaking editor riding an emerging lower level of judgment-free reporting) circulated "Woman Goes for Leg Operation, Gets New Anus Instead," which created quite a bit of attention, but Yr Editor despairs. The most widely-circulated version is by FoxNews.com (http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,339270,00.html), which cites the "Daily Telegraph," which might suggest to journalist types that London's Daily Telegraph, whose editors are generally quite savvy, was endorsing the story. Actually, it's from Sydney's Daily Telegraph (http://www.news.com.au/dailytelegraph/story/0,22049,23401962-5012895,00.html), one of the less-disciplined kids in the Murdoch family, less solid than London's Daily Telegraph and less grown-up than Murdoch's other Sydney daily, The Australian. And in fact, the story didn't come from Sydney's Daily Telegraph at all. It came from the news website with the loosest standards of all: Ananova.com (http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2774241.html) (which has a knack for finding stories we don't, from newspapers we can't access, in languages we don't speak). The botched surgery (in Bavaria!) might have happened; who knows? And your house might soon be again worth what it was on Good Friday 2006; who knows?

[MarcusMaximus]

The Daily Weird

3/24/2008

http://imagecache2.allposters.com/images/pic/68/041_24_045~Fractal-Illusion-Posters.jpg

Things To Worry About On Monday
Ready for a pregnant husband? / Next on the cloning agenda: that "genius" bull / Ruben Enaje takes nails in the hands and feet for the (almost) 23rd straight Easter / Citizen advisory for the Amish community: buggy-jacking! / And more!

Civilization in Decline
Drug war is so bad in Palomas, Mexico, that the police chief ducked across the border to Columbus, N.Mex., for asylum, but the war's bad there, too, e.g., armed robbers recently commandeered a dentist's office while the mayor was getting a root canal (http://www.lcsun-news.com/ci_8657620?source=most_viewed) . . . . . With 114 "underperforming" schools to take care of, the Massachusetts Bd of Education spent parts of more than three recent meetings concentrating on, er, looking for a sweeter word than "underperforming" (http://www.boston.com/news/education/k_12/mcas/articles/2008/03/22/seeking_a_kinder_word_for_failure/) . . . . . Nigeria, land of major-league scams, gets all wussy: cheating in a fishing tournament (http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20080323/od_afp/nigeriafishculturecrimeoffbeat_080323174720;_ylt=A sxrI5vkDn5Qc7k5kmVcAd6gOrgF) . . . . . Leading Economic Indicator: Among the fire-sale real estate on the market in Grand Rapids, Mich.: the headquarters building of the Home & Building Ass'n of Greater Grand Rapids (http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080322/ap_on_fe_st/odd_builders_building_sale;_ylt=Au723fFxKHM81W1jaO DqZ5wsQE4F) . . . . . What century are we in? The U.S. Supreme Court had to reverse a state court judge in Louisiana who kept a jury all-white (judging a black murder defendant) by "excusing" a black student from the jury because he didn't want the poor guy to miss any classes, but he kept a white self-employed contractor with a sick wife. (http://www.nola.com/news/index.ssf/2008/03/supreme_court_overturnes_kenne.html)

The Human Condition Today
"Is society ready for [the] pregnant husband (http://advocate.com/issue_story_ektid52664.asp)?" (Thomas, born a female, is legally married to Nancy, also female, but Thomas was assigned the household chore of child-bearing) . . . . . No, no! First, you get elected; then you commit the sex crime (not the way mayoral candidate Brian Sliter (http://www.statesman.com/news/content/news/stories/local/03/24/0324mayor.html?cxtype=rss&cxsvc=7&cxcat=52) is doing it) . . . . . People Different From Us: An Aboriginal Manitoban woman didn't complain when her brother raped her, and didn't complain when he kicked her while she was pregnant with that baby (over a pro wrestling dispute!) because, she said, she is "a forgive-and-forget person," (http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/Crime/2008/03/21/5066601-sun.html) but then he went and burned mom's house down, and that pissed her off . . . . . Failed defense argument for a DUI charge in which the driver crashed into two horses with five riders aboard: My client is an "experienced drinker" so alcohol had nothing to do with it [Ed.: The story with the money quote is behind Albuquerque Journal's money wall] . . . . . What a Crew! The emergency dispatchers in Montgomery County, Pa., who held their raucous office party while manning the 911 phones, now say they handled every damn one of the 952 calls that came in (http://www.mcall.com/news/local/all-b3_2montco.6323016mar21,0,7783814.story), expeditiously and professionally, of course.

Your Daily Loser
Armed robber Joshua Crowley, 22, who was pursued by, confronted by, and wrestled down by, Mary Chamberlain, 66. (http://www.komotv.com/news/local/16885341.html)

Your Daily Jury Duty
[no fair examining the evidence; verdict based on mugshot only]
The Hagar-Clayton family (http://www.newstribune.com/articles/2008/03/21/news_local/285local11family.txt), of Holts Summit, Mo., charged with team burglary (and grandpa will join the lineup once the cops bring him over from the hospital)

NOTW Lite
Explanation, please: James Lacy was arrested for having "imitation crack cocaine," which it turns out, sounds very much like just a packet of crushed peanuts (http://www.dailymail.com/policebrfs/200803200106) [Seriously, but he's in jail, so, like, do they have lawyers in Charleston?] . . . . . The Jelly Belly people, playing games with new flavors of jelly beans, have introduced vomit, earwax, moldy cheese, pencil shavings, and baby wipe (http://blog.cleveland.com/lifestyles/2008/03/vomit_baby_wipes_not_all_jelly.html) . . . . . Police in Missouri's Amish country made an arrest in that buggy-jacking (http://www.news-leader.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080320/BREAKING01/80320028) . . . . . He's a "genius"; he's like "a painting by Rubens, or Velazquez"; he is . . Alcalde, Spain's alpha bull with a genetic line for siring precisely the kind of toros that make matadors look good; hence, clone him! (http://www.nytimes.com/2008/03/24/world/europe/24bull.html?ref=world)

Update
Nineteen men in San Pedro Cutud, Philippines, signed up for crucifixion on Friday, with Ruben Enaje, 47, getting the top seed because it was his 22nd time with the nails in the last 23 yrs (http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,23412896-23109,00.html) (with each man in line getting to stick, screaming, for 5 minutes).

Professor Music's Weird Links
Now, this is a site for serious toe-readers (http://www.toereadingonline.com/index.php) so Yr Editor implores you: If you're one of those slutty, libido-driven foot fetishists, don't ruin it for the rest of us by dragging the site down to your level.

[MarcusMaximus]

The Daily Weird

4/24/2008

http://theanimationacademy.com/galleries/RMueck01a.jpg

Things To Worry About On Thursday
What a faith-based science teacher teaches middle-schoolers / A theme park for Baghdad / It's natural for yogurt makers to say it's natural / Contractors love working for the gov't (except for that tax thing) / And more!

Creme de la Weird
Moorestown, N.J., cop Robert Melia Jr., 38, is on leave, checking job listings, after it came out that he would be charged with molesting 3 young girls, but then, in addition, also doin' it with a cow, which led to a police search of Melia's computer, which turned up some bizarre web pages visited, including one containing a fictionalized scene in which the protagonist is a recently-retired cop talking about one applicant to the force that he remembers well. From The Trentonian: (http://www.trentonian.com/WebApp/appmanager/JRC/Daily;jsessionid=pVhtLPpY61hhJMLQnSkGBcvnZJmzpLYFp Cz8JwL78jGhFBMDLJgh%21-986604735?_nfpb=true&_pageLabel=pg_article&r21.pgpath=%2FTRN%2FHome&r21.content=%2FTRN%2FHome%2FTopStoryList_Story_193 5934)

The officer in the story tells his sergeant that the applicant offered "an extremely detailed explanation [of getting a heifer to go down on him]. Including [sic] how to select the right cow, what 'lure' to use, how to keep from getting stomped on, or kicked, or bitten, and so on, to the point where I was ready to throw up," the story reads. "I'm telling you, Sergeant, I don't think I can ever enjoy a cheeseburger again, and I know I will never drink another milkshake."

Civilization in Decline
Three 18-yr-olds were busted for commandeering an 85-yr-old, off-and-on-senile woman to wear a hood and talk extra-dirty for their gang-banger video (http://www.sun-sentinel.com/news/local/palmbeach/sfl-flpvideoabuse0423pnapr23,0,6817250.story?track=rss ) (But he they say he REALLY loves his Grandma). . . . . Suspicions Confirmed: "All-natural" Pinkberry frozen yogurt isn't quite, but the founder of the firm thought he could legally say it that way because the "yogurt" part was all-natural (http://www.nytimes.com/2008/04/23/dining/23yogurt.html?_r=1&scp=2&sq=julia+moskin&st=nyt&oref=slogin), even if the dozen-or-so additives weren't . . . . . Mount Vernon, Ohio, middle-school science teacher John Freshwater is in trouble for teaching science by tossing Legos into a pile to see if the pile will build itself, like they say life on Earth built itself, and demonstrating electricity by electrostatically burning a cross on a student's arm (http://www.mountvernonnews.com/local/08/04/23/freshwater_upd.html) . . . . . Gov't Accountability Office estimates that 60,000 federal contractors owe back federal taxes (http://www.usatoday.com/printedition/news/20080424/1a_lede24_dom.art.htm) totaling almost $8B, including one company that got $1m while owing nearly $10m, and another owing $400k in taxes but which just doesn't do filings . . . . . U.S. farmers and their farm-state-Senator fellators are about to agree on renewing for 5 yrs the charming direct-payment system, in which big-farm owners enjoy sky-high prices, plus subsidies originally designed for when prices were low, paid to them not on what they produce but on how big their farms are, so that they can take their subsidy payments and buy even bigger farms to get even bigger subsidy payments (http://www.nytimes.com/2008/04/24/washington/24farm.html?ref=us) next time around, and that's how Big Farm gets treated, so how's the Senate treating y'all readers?

The Human Condition Today
It's No Longer Weird to show up drunk for your DUI court hearing, but Yr Editor hadn't heard before of a member of the jury pool for a DUI case showing up drunk (http://www.statesman.com/news/content/news/stories/local/04/23/0423juror.html) for morning roll call . . . . . Of course! If you're one of those animal hoarders, and you happen to live in Idaho, you have not only dogs and cats but also five bobcats and 19 wolves (http://www.idahostatesman.com/newsupdates/story/360078.html) . . . . . Tempe, Ariz., motorist David Lopez grabbed his gun to threaten an allegedly lousy driver in a Road Rage Moment, but then, while waving it around, Lopez accidentally shot himself (http://www.myfoxphoenix.com/myfox/pages/News/Detail?contentId=6357999&version=1&locale=EN-US&layoutCode=TSTY&pageId=3.2.1).

Your Daily Loser
Robert Horsley Jr, 46, was charged with attempted home invasion in Bartlesville, Okla., and it turns out he tried to reach through the window of a 95-yr-old, wheelchair-confined woman, but she stabbed his arm with a screwdriver. So then he tried again, and she did it again. And so on. Blood and glass everywhere. After an hour and a half of that kinda whack-a-mole (http://www.fox23.com/mostpopular/story.aspx?content_id=e409793f-ae13-43f0-9739-38d3d79f9fd5), he finally passed out, from loss of blood, and she called 911. Seriously, that's what it says here.

Your Daily Jury Duty
[no fair examining the evidence; verdict based on mugshot only]
So, does Dwayne Smith, Jr., 18 (http://www.firstcoastnews.com/printfullstory.aspx?storyid=107656), look like the kind of kid who would burglarize his own dad's house and steal a jar of pennies?
http://www.firstcoastnews.com/assetpool/images/08423123940_SmithDwayneScott.jpg


NOTW Lite
Too Soon! California investor Llewellyn Werner said he'll pour $500m into a Disneyland-style theme park located, er, adjacent to the Green Zone in Baghdad (http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/iraq/article3802051.ece) (first phase: a skateboard park, opening in July) . . . . . Here's news of interest to that Mount Vernon, Ohio, teacher: Nat'l Geographic reports on inadvertent evidence of that yucky "theory of evolution" from an island off Croatia, where five pairs of odd lizards improbably, drastically reshaped themselves over 30 lizard generations in 30 yrs and now are thriving. (http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2008/04/080421-lizard-evolution.html)

Updates
Did you know that taxman Wesley Snipes is a "mighty oak" (http://www.orlandosentinel.com/news/local/crime/orl-bk-wesley-snipes-trial-042308,0,7285049.story) and a "true citizen of the world" who has "influenced [Woody Harrelson's] thoughts and emotions"? Federal prosecutors want New Jack to serve 3 yrs, but Denzel and Woody asked the judge to go easy . . . . . They've found the balloon-riding priest's balloons (http://www.nytimes.com/2008/04/24/world/americas/24briefs-RESCUERSFAIL_BRF.html), in the Atlantic, but not the priest, who presumably is now nearer, his God, to Thee.

[joyvy67]

I’m not sure what I think about this (I don’t think it’s positive) but it really don’t yell RESPECT to see cops driving around on these things.


http://img158.imagevenue.com/loc1056/th_75970_new-age-police-squad_123_1056lo.jpg (http://img158.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=75970_new-age-police-squad_123_1056lo.jpg)

[joyvy67]

Cow escapee found 'hiding' in drain

http://img180.imagevenue.com/loc248/th_85044_CowinholeUPPA_450x300_123_248lo.jpg (http://img180.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=85044_CowinholeUPPA_450x300_123_248l o.jpg)


One of two cows which fled an abattoir in northern France was found 'hiding' in a drain. It was rescued – from the drain, at least, if not the abattoir.

[joyvy67]

http://img.metro.co.uk/i/pix/2008/09/tenantbathroomKNS_450x350.jpg

Right, quick shave, toothbrush, aftershave and ......smoke.


A tennant with a craving for fast food crammed his studio flat with more than 1,000 empty polystyrene cartons.
When the mechanic moved out, his landlord Chris Dowling was stunned by what he found.




http://img.metro.co.uk/i/pix/2008/09/tenanttakeawayKNS_450x350.jpg



There were McDonald's and KFC containers everywhere. I couldn't get to the kitchen,' he said. It is estimated the tenant munched through £5,000 of takeaways during his two-year stay at the flat in Slough, Berkshire.

[joyvy67]

If there was any doubt about the terrible threat that global warming poses to humanity, then it can now be dismissed - as this shocking photograph proves that climate change is turning icebergs into giant penises.

http://img.metro.co.uk/i/pix/2008/09/icebergREX_450x300.jpg


Experts now believe** that it is only a matter of time before an armada of penis-shaped chunks begin to break off the Antarctic ice floes, and then roam the oceans wreaking havoc and luring sailors to their doom.

[MarcusMaximus]

penis-shaped chunks of ice - - we're fucked now.

Of course Tea and Kinky might like it.

[Durgdul]

luring sailors to their doom
ROTFLMAO

[MarcusMaximus]

Gandhi's beloved toilet re-created for museum
The peace icon Mahatma Gandhi was also known for his obsessive hygiene, including reverence for his personal toilet, where he was reported to have done his best thinking. "I learnt [long ago] that a must be as clean as a drawing room," he supposedly wrote. At the major Gandhi ashram-museum in Ahmedabad, they originally removed the toilet as unbecoming, but now, on reflection, they're re-installing it. Daily Telegraph (London) (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/2823640/Mahatma-Gandhis-mobile-toilet-recreated.html)

[B]District of Calamity: "Thousands" of write-in votes in the primary election last week were bogus - They think the problem was a defective memory cartridge in the Sequoia Voting Systems software, but several local races might have been affected. (However, there's no possible amount of screwing-up that will change where D.C.'s 3 electoral votes go in November.) Washington Post (http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/09/10/AR2008091000716.html?referrer=emailarticle)

http://cdntn.madison.com/images/articles/tct/2008/09/12/84389.jpg
Mom, 33, pretends to be her daughter, 15, to fulfill her dream of being a high school cheerleader - Wendy Brown looked a little older, said one staff member at Ashwaubenon High in Green Bay, Wis., but she had the "demeanor" of a high school girl. While the daughter was out in Nevada living with Brown's mother, Brown (who had a history of identity theft) signed up for cheerleading practice and made the squad (although her check to pay for the uniform bounced). Associated Press via Capital Times (Madison) (http://www.madison.com/tct/news//304666)

Update: After a lull, the Valentine, Neb., butt-cheek vandal is back
The still-unknown man apparently took the winter off, but he's back, dropping trou at night at storefronts in the tiny town (pop. 2,650), and pressing his oiled/Vaselined butt against the windows. "During one particularly brazen session, virtually all the windows at a local hotel were imprinted." Associated Press via Yahoo (http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080912/ap_on_fe_st/odd_crude_dude) // NOTW M042 (1-27-2008) (http://www.newsoftheweird.com/archive/nw080127.html)

Your Daily Loser
Matthew Snell, 19, Ocala, Fla., has several things going against him: His crime was not exactly manly (graffiti), plus not in a high-traffic venue (on cemetery gravestones). Plus, he signed his work with his very distinctive nickname. Plus, his nickname is Roach. Plus, he looks like a bug. Star-Banner (Ocala) (http://www.ocala.com/article/20080910/news/809100259&tc=yahoo)

People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
Walter Freeman, 72, let off the hook with probation for violating his child-sex-offender status by not providing a change-of-address, was grateful to the judge for giving him a break. In fact, he was so earnest in intent to follow the terms of the probation that he obeyed them for 35 whole minutes before he got caught violating the order by approaching two kids and offering to buy them ice cream. Poughkeepsie Journal (http://www.poughkeepsiejournal.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080910/NEWS01/80910014/1006)

Your Daily Jury Duty
http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/45004000/jpg/_45004778_chriswalker_226centscotnewa.jpg
[no fair examining the evidence; verdict must be based on mugshot only]
Christopher Walker, 24, Bannockburn, Scotland, could well have completely accidentally sent that woman the obscene video by mobile phone (intended for his girlfriend but misdialed). But it's not for us to weigh the evidence; we have our orders. BBC News (http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/scotland/tayside_and_central/7608531.stm)

More Things to Worry About on Saturday
Gourmet alligator head (gator piccata?) in Jacksonville, Fla. (Yep, there's a photo) (http://www.jacksonville.com/tu-online/stories/091108/lif_330645662.shtml)
http://www.jacksonville.com/images/mdControlled/cms/2008/09/11/330645724.jpg

A 16-yr-old girl in India reportedly took The Only Way Out because she was worried about the end of the world from the Large Hadron Collider (but . . but . . maybe that was a cover story for why she's really dead; they're investigating)

In Durban, South Africa, three died and two were wounded in a gunfight that started when a man "of Indian descent" taunted a white man at a urinal for having a smaller dick (http://www.iol.co.za/index.php?from=rss_News&set_id=1&click_id=79&art_id=nw20080911122421198C156995) (Seriously)

[MarcusMaximus]

Olympia, Wash., jury is forced to decide which of the two parties has the greater legal right to the same bullshit - Ms. JZ Knight has been blessed since 1977 with the ability to channel the 35,000-yr-old spiritual warrior Ramtha, and if you're that gifted, you want to share, which means the Ramtha School of Enlightenment, charging big bucks for breakthroughs, e.g., teaching greater "focus" by "finding" a symbolic card on a fence while blindfolded. A woman whose name is Whitewind Weaver took the classes and later incorporated some of Knight's finely-honed originality into her own spiritual classes, such as using Knight's phrases "so be that," "neuronet," and "turn to your neighbor." It'll be up to a jury this week to decide whether Weaver stole Knight's genius. (Bonus: Knight was last in News of the Weird in 2000 because she said she had heard, from Ramtha during one of her channeling sessions, that two local rapists on trial had confessed, but it turns out Ramtha was the only one who heard 'em [NOTW 673, 12-31-2000]). The Olympian (Friday) // The Olympian (http://www.theolympian.com/localnewsfeed/story/581353.html)(Thursday)

It's good to be a British prisoner: Par-teeee!
Britain's justice minister hit the ceiling when he found that rehab-minded officials at London's Holloway Prison had held a vampire-themed dance party, with dress-ups and "blood," to cheer up the inmates, including several female murderers, and when The Sun ran some photos of the killer-gals having fun, victims' relatives went nuts. The Sun (http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article1683769.ece) // The Sun (http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/sun_says/article244723.ece)(original report)

Bad week for priests
One in Chioggia, Italy, has been sent down for re-training after being discovered in bed with a lady parishioner (discovered by her husband, that is). (2) Rev. Christopher Layden was arrested in Urbana, Ill., and charged with dealing cocaine from the rectory (with mugshot). Daily Telegraph (London) (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/2958021/Italian-man-catches-wife-in-bed-with-priest.html) // Associated Press via MSNBC (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/26673009/)

Ya gotta love the "crazy hardhead"
Ray Wilkinson, 67, a retired, disabled carpenter and Marine Corps veteran, toughed out Hurricane Ike from what was almost ground-zero (Surfside Beach). Sitting there drinking beer, he saw "all kinds of goodies floating away, like my refrigerator . . .." But anyone who ignored this particular evacuation order is a fool, right? Wilkinson agrees. "I didn't say I had all my marbles." "I'm just a crazy, old hardhead." "I don't advise it unless you're nuts." He added that he was never scared and that he did not pray. Houston Chronicle (http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/chronicle/5999563.html)

Update: Gil Duff
Readers of the ol' News of the Weird Daily might remember Gil, of Cincinnati, from his stretch of nine days in late April and early May, when he was arrested four times for being passed-out-drunk (three, inside porta-johns). Got him again last Thursday night. Porta-john. WCPO-TV (Cincinnati) (http://www.wcpo.com/news/local/story.aspx?content_id=8e9a9bfe-019b-4372-a3bf-a107f4682e5a)

Update: Palm Beach County ballots
They finally found those missing 3,478 ballots that disappeared between primary day two weeks ago and recount day [Weird Universe, 9-5-2008], which would have been fine except that they also found 139 more ballots that had disappeared (only no one knew that until they turned up). The machine manufacturer (Sequoia Voting Systems) said everything's working just fine, just fine. WPTV (http://www.wptv.com/news/local/story.aspx?content_id=a07a3599-e75c-4c69-89a2-75e800ca8905) (West Palm Beach)

Your Daily Loser
Trevell Cowan, 18, Madison, Wis., walked in to a convenience store wearing a bandana over his face (except the eyes) and carrying a gun. A clerk ran outside and flagged down a passing cop, who grabbed Cowan, and the best Cowan could come up with that he had just came in to the store to fill out an application for a job, and, well, the bandana, and the gun . . . ehh. Wisconsin State Journal [scroll down] (http://www.madison.com/wsj/home/local//304731)

People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2008/09/14/article-0-02A1530500000578-839_224x423.jpg
Dr. Praminder Mankoo (pictured) was convicted in Britain for his cutting-edge hair-loss treatments on a 48-yr-old female patient, mainly, fondling her breasts and holding her face against his junk. Daily Mail (London) (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1055746/Doctor-convicted-giving-patients-breast-massages--cure-hair-loss.html)

Your Daily Jury Duty
http://www.chicagotribune.com/media/photo/2008-09/42304418.jpg
[no fair examining the evidence; verdict must be based on mugshot only]
Laura Obzera's a school nurse, for heaven's sake, treating sick kids, but that doesn't matter. She's been charged with having sex with teenagers, and this-here is what matters: Chicago Tribune (http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/local/chi-laura-obzera-080912-ht,0,7071055.story)

Eyewitness News
[news videos goin' around]
A slide show of what are supposedly the World's Most Repulsive Foods (y'know, grubs, whole rat, ox penis, caterpillar fungus, stuff like that) GreenDaily.com [link from Fark.com] (http://www.greendaily.com/gallery/top-15-most-disgusting-foods-on-record/854329/)

[MarcusMaximus]

http://jeaun.com/files/bob.jpg
Illuminati agent blows cover, winds up stuck in air vent at museum
Richard Smith, 25, had to call 911 when he got stuck, but he did nothing wrong because his boss in the worldwide conspiracy, Agent Womack, had merely sent him to the wrong place to confiscate the Soviet-made MERV66S-22AN warhead (with 30 lbs. of enriched uranium and a plutonium trigger). Turns out the helicopter that dropped him onto the roof for the mission had flown to the museum in Knoxville, Tenn., when it was the museum in Memphis that had the warhead. [Note from Weird Universe's fact-checker: That part about being stuck in the air vent when police arrived is a fact.] WBIR-TV (Knoxville) (http://www.wbir.com/news/local/story.aspx?storyid=63934&catid=2)

Evolutionary biologists spar over, um, the origin of the anus
No, seriously. They think organisms started with just one opening for everything, but then it got bigger to accommodate various functions, and eventually the egress got separated from the ingress. Possibly. In fact, the reproductive tract may have started out as an anus. "The issue remains open," said a commenter to the punchline-inspiring journal article. Nature (http://www.nature.com/news/2008/080917/full/news.2008.1117.html)

Here is a picture of an evolved anus:
http://www.truthwinsout.org/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/obama.jpg

Update: Lab-grown rat brain cells can power a robot
The latest work from Reading University's Kevin Warwick, the prolific remote-brain researcher, shows that brain cells are smart enough on their own, in isolation, to know how to form up and do more complex tasks. [Previously, News of the Weird has reported on Warwick's pioneering microchip work, e.g., communicating with his wife solely by their respective arm-planted chips and his routine ability to open his office door and turn on the lights just by thinking about it. NOTW 700 (http://www.newsoftheweird.com/archive/nw070801.html)(7-8-2001).] Daily Telegraph (London) (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2552973/Rats-brain-used-to-power-robot.html)

Update: The District of Calamity govt's tax-refund scam
The mastermind, "Mother Harriette" Walters, 51, pleaded guilty and will serve at least 15 yrs in prison for ripping at least $48m from Washington, D.C., taxpayers. Based on her cooperation since her arrest, prosecutors now believe (a) the scam was going on before Walters took it over in 1989; (b) she took it to new levels, eventually, to a hgh of $8.6m in 2004, (c) outside auditors, inside supervisors, and four mayors never even came close to discovering the scam, (d) even though in several aspects it was amateurish, and (e) if it wasn't for that clerk in a Sun Trust branch located inside a supermarket, who questioned a ridiculously large check and wouldn't let go of the suspicion, Walters'd still be working her magic. Washington Post (http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/09/16/AR2008091601817.html)

People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
A 41-yr-old guy was convicted in Philadelphia of having more than a million child porn images on his computer and of setting up video cameras in a kids' bathroom (and believe me, you don't want to know what his minimum age of preference is). He's also here because his name is Woman. Mr. Woman. Mr. John Woman.
http://www.nbc10.com/2008/0917/17497924_240X180.jpg
WCAU-TV (Philadelphia). (http://www.nbc10.com/news/17496918/detail.html?dl=headlineclick)

Your Daily Jury Duty
http://www.thedenverchannel.com/2008/0917/17498875_240X180.jpg
[no fair examining the evidence; verdict must be based on mugshot only]
Jacob Weiss, 19, Vail, Colo., might have convinced a pal that killing himself wouldn't be such a bad thing. KUSA-TV (Denver)

[MarcusMaximus]

Fine points of the law (bankruptcy version)
Contractor steals customer's $39k. Customer has contractor arrested, wins judgment, collects $25k immediate restitution. Then, another judge forces rip-ee to give it all back. That's the law. (Thief had filed for bankruptcy and by law couldn't be forced to pay out any more money to individual creditors, and the second judge said rip-ee's having thief arrested was basically extorting that $25k payout.) (Bonus: Rip-ee also has to pay thief's legal fees!) Associated Press via MSNBC (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/26835746/)

Fine points of the law (Safe Drinking Water Act version)
"[P]erchlorate has been found in at least 395 sites in 35 states at levels high enough to interfere with thyroid function and pose developmental health risks, particularly for babies and fetuses, according to some scientists," reports the AP. However, the EPA is about to officially declare that it would not be a "meaningful opportunity for health risk reduction" if it did anything special about perchlorate. Inferred reason: The Pentagon, which is the major purveyor of perchlorate, would have to spend a whole lot o' money. Associated Press via USA Today (http://www.usatoday.com/news/washington/environment/2008-09-22-EPA-fuel_N.htm?csp=34)

Fine points of the law ("due process of law" version)
Rarely has a murder spree been captured in more reliable video detail than was Brian Nichols's four-killing (including his judge) escape from an Atlanta courthouse in 2005. But "everybody knows" he still has to be actually "tried and convicted" before he can be punished. Here's what Brian's making taxpayers shell out: at least $5m for prosecution and defense lawyers, calling up to 1,000 or so witnesses in a trial expected to last from now until Christmas, plus incidentals like juror and overtime-security expenses. Damn, we're civilized! Atlanta Journal-Constitution (http://www.ajc.com/metro/content/metro/atlanta/stories/2008/09/21/brian_nichols_trial.html)

Georgia channels Texas justice
Tomorrow's the day that Troy Davis will be meeting his maker in Georgia, for a 1989 murder, even though 7 of the 9 "witnesses" against him at trial admitted later that they didn't witness any such thing. The U.S. Supreme Court is so concerned that they've scheduled a hearing on Davis's petition, for, er, a week from today. Seriously. New York Times (http://www.nytimes.com/2008/09/20/opinion/20herbert.html?_r=1&scp=3&sq=bob%20herbert&st=cse&oref=slogin)

The Pope says he's just about had it up to here with these sightings of Mary 'n' Jesus, but then . . .
Just last week, Jesus made a stopover on the drywall of a house under construction in Gulf Shores, Ala., and then the Archbishop of Naples (Italy) announced that the dried blood of Saint Gennaro in the city's main cathedral has liquified again, right on schedule, as it does twice yearly. Last week, the Pope announced a commission to set down standards for these things and what priests are supposed to say when somebody comes up to them in tears. WKRG-TV (http://www.wkrg.com/local/article/jesus_in_the_drywall/18208/) (Mobile, Ala.) // Reuters via Yahoo (http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20080919/od_uk_nm/oukoe_uk_italy_miracle) // The Times (London) (http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/comment/faith/article4739281.ece)

It's good to be a Long Island Rail Road worker
The NY Times pretty much slam-dunk-busted a massive rip-off of the federal gov't by LIRR retirees, who routinely exploit something called the Railroad Retirement Board to ask for disability when they leave the work force. The Board almost never says no (97 percent acceptance one year), no matter how soft the job and irrespective of the absence of any hint of disability while on active duty. Of course, the timing is good for the Board because nobody cares about this scam, what with the entire economy getting bailed out at taxpayer risk and this amounting only to $250m over 8 yrs. New York Times (http://www.nytimes.com/2008/09/21/nyregion/21lirr.html?em)

Viable gov't for Israel depends on an Ultra-Orthodox guy who thinks women are sorta like donkeys
The prospective prime minister [and what's not to like about a head of state named "Zippy"?] needs the 12 parliamentary seats of the Shas in order to have a majority, but they're hard-core, and the party's spiritual leader is a Pat-Robertson-like guy who thinks Hurricane Katrina was God's punishment for the wickedness in N'awlins (and who said, famously, that "walking between two women is like walking between two donkeys." Associated Press via Yahoo (http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080918/ap_on_re_mi_ea/ml_israel_politics;_ylt=AnnR9GbbDtF5S..PfEMQyW9bbB AF)

Can't Possibly Be True: No police sketch artist would draw up something like this
Even though it's a teenager-kidnaping case, which always gets the community all upset, it can't be true that this drawing of the alleged perp will be any help at all in finding him.. KSDK-TV (St. Louis) (http://www.ksdk.com/news/local/story.aspx?storyid=155355&catid=3) Even Durgs can draw better than this...

People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
The unidentified couple in Mpumalanga Province, South Africa, had a tremendous last fling, on the railroad tracks, so lost in ecstasy that warnings about the approaching train failed to register with them, but it was, indeed, their last fling. BBC News (http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/7629433.stm)

Your Daily Jury Duty
[no fair examining the evidence; verdict must be based on mugshot only]
Richard Housman and his sweetie, Vickey Housman, have been charged with selling dope in North Platte, Neb., and the question is presented: Can we legitimately draw an inference of criminal guilt based on Vickey's zits? [NOTE: Richard and Vickey are the 2nd and 3rd photos on the page, not the first] North Platte Bulletin (http://www.northplattebulletin.com/index.asp?show=news&action=readStory&storyID=14265&pageID=3&showTB=false)

[no fair examining the evidence; verdict must be based on mugshot only]
Mr. Deo Dover, Kirksville, Mo., charged with cultivating some marijuana plants, but he might not have been aware that they were marijuana! Kirksville Daily Express (http://www.kirksvilledailyexpress.com/news/x650664843/Kirksville-man-maintains-innocence-after-arrest-for-growing-marijuana)

[joyvy67]

An 11-year-old "werewolf" boy who desperately seeks a cure for his condition is baffling medical experts.

Pruthviraj Patil is one of 50 in the world who suffers from hypertrichosis, a rare genetic condition known as Werewolf Syndrome.

As a result his face and body is covered in thick, matted hair.

But he is hoping doctors will one day find a cure for his ailment.

Born in the Indian district of Sangli, near Bombey, he hardly ever leaves his village because of his fear of being traunted by strangers.

http://img171.imagevenue.com/loc730/th_40493_werewolf_boy_123_730lo.jpg (http://img171.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=40493_werewolf_boy_123_730lo.jpg)

The only parts of his body that are not covered with hair are the palms of his hands and soles of his feet.....

[joyvy67]

The longest jail sentence passed was in the United States - 10,000 years for a triple murder. Dudley Wayne Kyzer was jailed for 10,000 years by a court in Tuscaloosa, Alabama, in 1981 for murdering his wife. He was then sentenced to two life terms for murdering his mother-in-law and a college student.

In 1994 Oklahoma rapist Darron Bennalford Anderson received a 2,200-year jail sentence. When he appealed and won a new trial, he was convicted again and resentenced to more than 90 additional centuries behind bars - including 4,000 years each for rape and sodomy, 1,750 years for kidnapping, 1,000 years for burglary and robbery, and 500 years for grand larceny.

In July 1997, the state Court of Criminal Appeals held that the grand larceny charge was double jeopardy on the robbery conviction and thus dismissed it. So the court cut Anderson's sentence by 500 years, speeding up his release date to the year 12,744!

[joyvy67]

Lego enthusiasts in Vienna have built the world's highest ever Lego tower – beating a record set in Britain this May (http://www.metro.co.uk/news/article.html?in_article_id=146120&in_page_id=34).

http://img102.imagevenue.com/loc390/th_70773_legotowerEPA_450x350_123_390lo.jpg (http://img102.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=70773_legotowerEPA_450x350_123_390lo .jpg)


The tower was constructed by hundreds of children outside the city hall in Rathaus Platz, and took four days to build.
It stands 29.48m tall – beating the record set in Windsor's Legoland by just 18cm. 460,000 bricks were needed to complete it, and a crane had to be used to position the highest sections.

[dirtybombz]

Lego enthusiasts in Vienna have built the world's highest ever Lego tower – beating a record set in Britain this May (http://www.metro.co.uk/news/article.html?in_article_id=146120&in_page_id=34).

http://img102.imagevenue.com/loc390/th_70773_legotowerEPA_450x350_123_390lo.jpg (http://img102.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=70773_legotowerEPA_450x350_123_390lo .jpg)


The tower was constructed by hundreds of children outside the city hall in Rathaus Platz, and took four days to build.
It stands 29.48m tall – beating the record set in Windsor's Legoland by just 18cm. 460,000 bricks were needed to complete it, and a crane had to be used to position the highest sections.

That is truly insane!

[MarcusMaximus]

http://www.globalpsychics.com/enlightening-you/dreams/spiders.jpg

Explained: What that spideress's eating her mate is all about
It used to awaken us boys from our 9th-grade biology class slumber: In a few species, females, right after sex, devour the males. Spanish researchers studying Mediterranean tarantulas now conclude that it's mostly a nutrition thing, that some females even eat males before mating, but only because they're already carrying sperm from a previous hookup. It's not so much that the man-eaters are genetically more aggressive; it's that they're genetically more nurturing. Whatever. Men still fail to see the intelligent design in this. Reuters via Yahoo (http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20081022/od_uk_nm/oukoe_uk_spiders;_ylt=AiCp9uOAuxwwQL9Oj.I.9ySdk3QF )

People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
Apparently a big part of F Stater Michael McDonnell's sex life is glimpsing the woman in the highway booth as he stops to pay the toll but with his pants down to his knees (twice recently). WFTV (Orlando) (http://www.wftv.com/news/17769880/detail.html)

More Things to Worry About

Dr. Parker Griffith, running for Congress in Huntsville, Ala., was revealed to have had a stretch in the 1980s of "here's how to suck as an oncologist." (Bonus: He was eased out quietly; consequently, he still has his [dormant] license!) Huntsville Times (http://www.al.com/politics/huntsvilletimes/index.ssf?/base/news/1224666942320690.xml&coll=1)

Barrier down: Geisha officials in Kyoto accept their first transsexual woman into the crew (and it's a retired official from Britain's defense ministry). Daily Mail (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1079616/Pictured-British-ex-MOD-boss-70-transsexual-geisha-Japan.html)
http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2008/10/22/article-1079616-0233C119000005DC-76_224x423.jpghttp://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2008/10/22/article-1079616-0233C1FD000005DC-911_224x423.jpg

ABC News's medical unit has uncovered another one of those WTF? conditions: It's a serious, lifelong communication disorder, masked by the fact that sufferers laugh all the time ("happy puppet syndrome"). ABC News (http://abcnews.go.com/Health/MindMoodNews/story?id=6082160&page=1)

He paid $100k for a piece of land, sight unseen, closing the deal during a visit to the Synn City Strip Club, and of course it was bogus, but, in a fit of misplaced priorities, the state is prosecuting the seller for fraud (instead of locking up the buyer to protect him from further harming himself). South Florida Sun-Sentinel (http://www.sun-sentinel.com/community/news/north_lauderdale/sfl-flblandsalesboct22,0,3415224.story)

A 62-yr-old Cleveland, Ohio, man died, and neighbors say the main reason might be that they would see him tossing mercury around like it was a ball. Plain Dealer (http://blog.cleveland.com/metro/2008/10/us_epa_investigates_mercury_sp.html)

The school board in Jacksonville, Fla., will vote next Monday on un-naming a high school that honored a Confederate general and KKK leader (but, said a current supporter, he was "nice" to his slaves; "they loved him"). Florida Times-Union (http://www.jacksonville.com/tu-online/stories/102208/met_346957699.shtml)

Katrina Clemente, 26, was charged with beating up a man because he declined her offer to kiss. TCPalm.com (http://www.tcpalm.com/news/2008/oct/21/no-kiss-woman-battery-charged-port-st-lucie-incide/)(Stuart, Fla.) [with mug shot, indicating the beating was probably worth it]

Rice University researchers hard at work on a genetically modified strain of yeast to make beer a cancer-fighter, just like red wine. Computerworld (http://www.computerworld.com/action/article.do?command=printArticleBasic&taxonomyName=Development&articleId=9117656&taxonomyId=11)


http://cmsimg.thenewsstar.com/apps/pbcsi.dll/bilde?Site=DI&Date=20081021&Category=UPDATES01&ArtNo=81021009&Ref=AR&MaxW=180&Border=0
The outgoing Miss Teen Louisiana and some pals skipped out of their $46 tab at Posados restaurant in Bossier City, and police know that because she accidentally left her purse there (with her ID) (and her marijuana). News Star (Monroe, La.) (http://www.thenewsstar.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=200881021009)

A local council in Britain says a guy in a two-person small business office has to buy a regular weekly environmental disposal contract after an inspector saw them toss out cling film (they wrapped their lunch from home with) and used tea bags. Daily Telegraph (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/3238135/Small-business-owner-told-to-declare-sandwiches-as-industrial-waste.html)

In Fort Pierce, Fla., police arrested Ms. Ermith Emonfils, 27, for shoplifting, and also brandishing her "well-used" sanitary napkin. TCPalm.com (http://www.tcpalm.com/news/2008/oct/22/fort-pierce-woman-accused-shoplifting-brandishing-/) (Eeeeewwww.)

Not just a "white supremacist," but an "Aryan sorcerer"! And he's now in trouble for leaving his girlfriend's son with 13 bite marks, and for telephoning in "black magic spell" threats to high school teachers. The Star Press (http://www.thestarpress.com/article/20081021/NEWS01/810210343) (Muncie, Ind.)

Professor Music's Weird Link
Here is the go-to site for the obese who read with envy that people infected with tapeworm "suffer" rapid weight-loss and wonder, Hmmm, maybe I need to get me one of those tapeworm larvae. TapewormDiet.net (http://www.tapewormdiet.net/)

Here's yet another person who maybe over-admires something you never really gave much thought to: She has formed the now-100-member Pylon Appreciation Society to pay tribute to those pole complexes that hold up power lines. www.Pylons.org (http://www.pylons.org/)

Facts of life, about sex, explained to abstinence group
The Atlanta-area Marriage Appreciation Training Uplifting Relationship Education program ("MATURE," get it?) is sponsoring a $10k wedding giveaway, and all you have to do is not have had premarital sex, but with the October 31 deadline for entries approaching, no one has signed up. (Bonus: The contest organizer hinted that she might even relax the rules, down to, Busted cherries are acceptable, as long as you acknowledge it was wrong.) (Seriously.) Atlanta Journal-Constitution (http://www.ajc.com/metro/content/metro/dekalb/stories/2008/10/23/wedding_contest.html)

Another great newspaper lede (describing a campaigning trend)
"In his recent stump speech, Thomas Fleming took a stand against nuclear power, violence, weapons, and war. He told voters there was no greater honor than serving them and requested their support. 'I ask nothing in return except a better America,' he said. Then the 8-year-old candidate . . . waved his fists over his head . . ." (He was running earnestly for student council sergeant-at-arms at Altruria Elementary in Bartlett, Tenn.) Wall Street Journal (http://online.wsj.com/article/SB122472869877161477.html?mod=todays_us_page_one)

Your Daily Jury Duty
[no fair examining the evidence; verdict must be based on mugshot only]
Travis Rhodes, 87, and Olivia Jordan, 55, ticket-takers at the North Carolina State Fair, are suspected of palming some of the tickets collected (Rhodes) and re-selling them, personally, at the window (Jordan). News & Observer (Raleigh) (http://www.newsobserver.com/news/fair/story/1262492.html)

Mark Farwell, a North Carolina firefighter, could be a guy needy enough to fall for a 10-month-long chat room sex sting about meeting a "mother" and her "7-yr-old daughter" for a threesome. Orlando Sentinel (http://www.orlandosentinel.com/news/local/lake/orl-firefighter-sex-mom-daughter-102008,0,2974536.story)

More Things to Worry About

Eduardo Arrocha, 45, better known as the severely-tattooed Eak The Geek, who has lain on a bed of nails for 15 yrs with Coney Island Circus Sideshow, retired and is now, er, enrolled in law school in Michigan (from "one freakshow to another," he said). Bizarre magazine (http://www.bizarremag.com/weird_world/body_world/7524/eak-the-geek.html)

[MarcusMaximus]

http://news.cnet.com/i/ne/p/2005/22505home500x412.jpg

Readers' Choice: A Japanese woman, angry that her avatar was abruptly divorced in an online game, hacked into her "husband"'s computer and killed his avatar (and was arrested, in the flesh, though not for the murder but for the hacking). Associated Press via Star Tribune (http://www.startribune.com/nation/32898849.html?elr=KArks:DCiUMEaPc:UiacyKUU)

Research (Lund University, Sweden) you can use (well, the half of all women who have a certain gene): Drink too much coffee, and your boobs shrink. Daily Mail (London) (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1079669/Drinking-cups-coffee-day-shrinks-womens-breasts.html)

Uncontrollable inspiration: Passing a church in Bridgeport, Conn., he spotted a set of drums through the window and just had to break in and lose himself in a "spirited solo," which is how cops found him. Associated Press via Boston Globe (http://www.boston.com/news/local/connecticut/articles/2008/10/22/police_conn_man_broke_into_church_to_play_drums/)


http://www.dailyhaha.com/_pics/fart_date.jpg
The value of SBD's: The really toxic ones also relieve blood pressure, according to a Johns Hopkins neuroscientist. LiveScience via MSNBC

More British gov't work-safety guidelines: 16-yr-old employees are too young to use hot water or [B]operate vacuum cleaners (but still OK at 16: getting married, joining the military, consenting to sex). Daily Telegraph (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1079907/Boy-16-loses-cleaning-job-health-safety-rules-hes-young-use-Hoover.html)

UCLA scientists showed that unpeeling Scotch tape produces not only light (you can see that, yourself) but X-rays (not enough to be dangerous around the office but enough to get physicists all aroused, wondering what would happen if they could maybe direct that energy toward some tape-embedded hydrogen ions . . .). Nature via New York Times (http://www.nytimes.com/2008/10/28/science/28xray.html?_r=1&ref=science&oref=slogin)

The chief assistant to the governor of New York did not screw up when he failed to file income tax returns from 2001 to 2005 but rather was suffering from "late-filing syndrome," which was just a matter of being under-medicated. New York Times (http://www.nytimes.com/2008/10/23/nyregion/23obyrne.html?scp=4&sq=nicholas%20confessore&st=cse)

Bonus Daily Jury Duty
[no fair examining the evidence; verdict must be based on mugshot only]
Randy Cummings, 43, sweetheart or not? The Star Press (Muncie, Ind.)
(http://www.thestarpress.com/article/20081023/NEWS01/810230398)
Who knew? (I): Cop zaps raccoon (in self-defense), but tasers . . don't work on raccoons! Associated Press via Houston Chronicle (http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/front/6074496.html)

http://lh3.ggpht.com/goldhck/SHmTYJzF0TI/AAAAAAAABWA/GvD2A5uqy2c/wm-Bull%20Stomp.jpg
Who knew? (II): If a bull stomps on your head, it not only scrambles your brains but can actually leave your skull lopsided. Daily Mail (London) (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1079950/Farmer-left-egg-shaped-head-trampled-30-stone-bull.html)

Everybody knows Americans are cynical about the efficiency of gov't (Iraq reconstruction, Katrina, the economy), but still, it's a little too ballsy if you're on the lam for a murder in Maryland and you dare to truthfully fill out a gun-purchase application (with waiting period) in Virginia, like Barry Roberts, 46, did. Daily Press (Newport News) (http://www.dailypress.com/news/dp-now-norfmurder.o22,0,7141114.story)

Doesn't get it: Arrested for theft in Barre, Vt., and as he's being booked, he tries to steal a photo off the station house bulletin board. Associated Press via Yahoo (http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20081023/ap_on_fe_st/odd_police_theft;_ylt=ArLbGAm7IU_c7lnfaWS0hRcsQE4F )

[joyvy67]

A passenger on a French train had to be rescued after having his arm sucked down the on-board toilet.

The 26-year-old Frenchman became trapped while trying to fish his mobile phone out of the toilet on a high-speed train, passengers said.
They said he fell foul of the toilet's the powerful suction system which drains the loos on board, the rail network's regional office said.
Firefighters had to cut through the U-bend to free him.




http://img218.imagevenue.com/loc452/th_65885_sncfREX_175x125_123_452lo.jpg



The high-speed TGV train had to stop for two hours while firemen cut through the train's pipework.
The man was carried away by emergency services, with the toilet still attached to his arm.
"He came out on a stretcher, with his hand still jammed in the toilet bowl, which they had to saw clean off," said Benoit Gigou, a witness to the man's plight.
The incident happened on Sunday evening, aboard a train travelling in western France between La Rochelle and Paris.

[MarcusMaximus]

http://1918.com/images/xl/more_phony_soldiers_for_obama.jpg

Chicago Tribune investigation reveals specific men with small dicks
The Tribune found well over 100 men who have publicly but bogusly claimed military medals for bravery. The Trib looked mainly at self-submitted bios in the Who's Who in America series and in newspaper obituaries, and then got those men's military records via the Freedom of Information Act. Then, the Trib called up a lot of them for comments. Responses ranged from full-denial mode, to opening a new round of B.S., to a few soulful admissions. (Also possibility: A few who never got such medals have actually convinced themselves they did.) Chicago Tribune (http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/local/chi-valor-oct25,0,4301227.story)

Maximus Note: Check out this, too: HERE (http://1918.com/article.php?More_Phony_Soldiers_for_Obama&article_id=8457&type=read)


http://www.thejakartapost.com/files/images/24sapi.img_assist_custom.jpg
Things people believe (continued)
Indonesian villagers caught am "elder" in the act with a cow, which in that village means only one thing: The cow will have to be towed out to sea and drowned, and the man will have to be on the boat and shed the clothes he was wearing at the time of the act, in order for the whole episode to be cleansed from his soul. (Since the man owned the cow, this remedy caused him a big financial hit, as well.) (Bonus: The cow was pregnant Jakarta Post (http://www.thejakartapost.com/news/2008/10/23/cow-drowned-sea-being-impregnated-human.html)

[B]Your Daily Loser
Recurring Theme: Philip Waldbauer, 29, was arrested upon complaining to police that he had just been ripped off when his $10 purchase of "grass" turned out to be grass. Quad City Times (Davenport, Iowa) (http://www.qctimes.com/articles/2008/10/24/news/local/doc490142faec92a020576178.txt?sPos=2)

People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
Lede sentence: "A Newburgh firefighter became an ad hoc surgeon Friday, called upon to use a pneumatic saw to cut a piece of steel pipe off a 73-yr-old man's penis." Delicacy was required. Times Record-Herald (Middletown, N.Y.) (http://recordonline.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20081026/NEWS/810260363/-1/NEWS)

Your Daily Jury Duty
[no fair examining the evidence; verdict must be based on mugshot only]
Robert W. Love, facing a prostitution charge in Orlando (though maybe he's not the kind of guy who would do something like that). Orlando Sentinel (http://www.orlandosentinel2.com/data/arrests/index.php?id=1837) [Warning: Website has a mugshot gallery that could put a major dent in your productivity today.]

More Things to Worry About

Fine Points of the Law: A federal judge in Los Angeles hit the Mongols street gang where it hurts, in the, uh, logo. Since they're engaged in criminal racketeering, the feds think they have the authority over all the "property" the Mongols use, which includes their registered trademark. Anything with the logo on it gets confiscated. Associated Press via New York Post (http://www.nypost.com/seven/10252008/news/nationalnews/feds_hell_bent_for_bike_thugs_leather_135179.htm)

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2008/10/24/article-1080220-023840F5000005DC-392_468x496.jpg
Dog with Alzheimer's: Freddie, a 14-yr-old (that's 98) terrier, was pulled aboard by a fisherman about a mile out to sea. He had been walking along the shore and become "disoriented." Daily Mail (London) (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1080220/Fishermen-catch-DOG-mile-North-Sea.html)

They robbed the First Bank in Florissant, Mo., then dashed out onto Interstate 70 for their daring getaway . . right into a massive traffic backup already teeming with cop cars because of an accident. Game over. St. Louis Post-Dispatch (http://www.stltoday.com/stltoday/news/stories.nsf/stlouiscitycounty/story/DE419DB9976B2840862574EC000CC60D?OpenDocument)

Consequences of not teaching physics in high school any more: Three teenagers were treated for burns after one lit a cigarette in their car following a session of huffing. Longmont Times-Call (Longmont, Colo.) (http://www.timescall.com/news_story.asp?ID=11608)

Your daily lesson in the Malay language: Masuk dari buntut [roughly, "enter via the buttocks"]. This came up in a parliamentary Q&A with Malaysia's deputy transport minister about upgrading airport runways. Electric New Paper (Singapore) (http://newpaper.asia1.com.sg/news/story/0,4136,181089,00.html)

Elite anti-smuggling expertise at the airport in Sydney, Australia: Caught a woman trying to sneak three banana plants into the country, in her underwear. News.com.au (Sydney) (http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,24545630-29277,00.html)

The lawyer for the world-famous drunk Henry Earl, 58, said his client is checking in voluntarily to four-month rehab. The over/under on sticking it out, though, was probably in the range of three, four days, since a Smoking Gun records search found he's been locked up drunk 1,333 times. Lexington Herald-Leader (http://www.kentucky.com/181/story/565528.html) /// The Smoking Gun (http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2008/0925082henryearl1.html)

Dining and dashing by these teen gals: Filling out a comment card and leaving it on the restaurant table is OK, as long as you don't forget and sign it with your real name. Bismarck Tribune (http://bismarcktribune.com/articles/2008/10/24/news/local/167658.txt)

Fun spoiled: Long after the annual Asheville (N.C.) Zombie Walk (through town) had been scheduled, for yesterday (maybe 700 living dead expected), Sarah Palin's campaign (and Secret Service!) also scheduled a stop in town. (You can relax.) Citizen-Times (Asheville) (http://citizen-times.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=2008810250344)

Girlfriend denied him sex, he went upstairs and urinated on her dog . . The Aristocrats! Herald Times Reporter (Manitowoc, Wis.) (http://www.htrnews.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=200881023149)

Sounds Like a Stale 1970s Joke: Another one of those global navigator mindless-obedience mistakes, but, well, it was in Poland. Agence France-Presse via Yahoo (http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20081024/od_afp/polandaccidentoffbeat_081024181725)

Professor Music's Weird Link
This guy's been keeping score at home on people who set dates on which they're sure the world will end (more than 200, explained). I don't know how authoritative it is, but at least give him credit for commandeering the neat web address bible.ca Library of Date-Setters of The End of the World (http://www.bible.ca/pre-date-setters.htm)

[joyvy67]

A man had to be taken to hospital still attached to a steel toilet after super-glue was deliberately smeared on the seat.

http://img42.imagevenue.com/loc650/th_18569__45165883_ad1d2b76-73df-4379-8679-a41647343124_123_650lo.jpg

Firefighters were unable to free the man and were forced to remove the entire toilet with the man attached.
The 35-year-old was in a public toilet cubicle in Brierley Hill in the West Midlands when he became stuck.
He was taken to hospital where doctors were forced to get into the ambulance before using chemicals to free him.
Toilet re-installed
An ambulance service spokesman said: "He appeared to be none the worse for his ordeal other than being understandably somewhat embarrassed."
It is thought the glue had been smeared on the toilet seat by a prankster.
An ambulance crew and a rapid response vehicle attended the scene just before midday but they were unable to free the man.
"With the help of a local authority and the fire and rescue service, the man was removed from the cubicle still attached to the stainless steel toilet," the spokesman said.
The toilet was later taken back to the public convenience and re-installed.

[MarcusMaximus]

man.

that kinda sucks.

[jack schitt]

man.

that kinda sucks.

Dunno bout the sucking bit - it definetly stinks... and sticks AHAHAHA

[joyvy67]

We all know celebrities can be obsessive about their weight.
But these digitally altered photos take the weight game to the extreme - by transforming the stars into bodybuilders.



http://img171.imagevenue.com/loc1174/th_50158_article-1089284-02974A6C000005DC-980_468x641_123_1174lo.jpg (http://img171.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=50158_article-1089284-02974A6C000005DC-980_468x641_123_1174lo.jpg)http://img45.imagevenue.com/loc938/th_50159_article-1089284-02974A7C000005DC-928_468x665_123_938lo.jpg (http://img45.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=50159_article-1089284-02974A7C000005DC-928_468x665_123_938lo.jpg)http://img209.imagevenue.com/loc559/th_50164_article-1089284-02974A50000005DC-840_468x631_123_559lo.jpg (http://img209.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=50164_article-1089284-02974A50000005DC-840_468x631_123_559lo.jpg)http://img136.imagevenue.com/loc652/th_50166_article-1089284-02974B63000005DC-531_468x627_123_652lo.jpg (http://img136.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=50166_article-1089284-02974B63000005DC-531_468x627_123_652lo.jpg)
http://img231.imagevenue.com/loc69/th_50167_article-1089284-0297491E000005DC-394_468x504_123_69lo.jpg (http://img231.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=50167_article-1089284-0297491E000005DC-394_468x504_123_69lo.jpg)

[joyvy67]

http://img214.imagevenue.com/loc489/th_50235_article-1089284-02974902000005DC-810_468x387_123_489lo.jpg (http://img214.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=50235_article-1089284-02974902000005DC-810_468x387_123_489lo.jpg)http://img194.imagevenue.com/loc8/th_50237_article-1089284-02974946000005DC-245_468x504_123_8lo.jpg (http://img194.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=50237_article-1089284-02974946000005DC-245_468x504_123_8lo.jpg)http://img150.imagevenue.com/loc726/th_50238_article-1089284-02974963000005DC-398_468x605_123_726lo.jpg (http://img150.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=50238_article-1089284-02974963000005DC-398_468x605_123_726lo.jpg)http://img254.imagevenue.com/loc147/th_50243_article-1089284-02974999000005DC-168_468x579_123_147lo.jpg (http://img254.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=50243_article-1089284-02974999000005DC-168_468x579_123_147lo.jpg)


http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1089284/Amy-Winehouse-bodybuilder-leads-pack-stars-transformed-muscled-beefcakes.html