Pursuit and Distance in Online Dating – Part 2
…..part 1 can be found here…..
Tips On Handling Pursuit & Distance
Accept that sending an email to someone you like the look of but you do not yet know is a far cry from going on a date. This is not meant to put you off, however, you do need a willing partner to start the pendulum of a relationship swinging.
Some people will be shy, or not used to online dating. It can be difficult to assess this from a member’s profile on a dating site, so patience is a virtue when it comes to waiting for people to reply, they may be interested but need to build up the confidence to reply, if you bombard people with emails it may scare them off.
An email not returned is possibly worth a second attempt later, but if you still hear nothing then leave it, accept that the other person is not interested and move on. By not doing this you are in danger of becoming a harasser, and although this may not reflect your true personality it can come across this way, we all have to apply self control at some point in our lives.
If someone does not reply to your email, or they suddenly stop replying during a conversation, accept it and do not take it to heart. There are many reasons why someone will not reply to an email, they could have met someone else, got back with an ex, given up on dating, or they could be on holiday, or busy with work. Again, the more you pursue, the less likely the other person will be to contact you.
Accept and understand that there are people on dating dating sites with all kinds of agendas and some of those will never end up going on a date. They could be getting over an ex, making an ex jealous, massaging their ego, or even just ‘half looking’. No matter how much you try, these people will always be out of reach and your time is far better spent meeting genuine daters.
If in doubt – Move on! Don’t waste time waiting for that special someone to reply, you’re all in the same boat and you shouldn’t feel guilty for emailing as many people as you like, until you reach the dating stage it’s all about seeing who is out there, you’re not committed to speaking with just one person. Meanwhile, you just might get that email you’re waiting for!
Don’t demand answers on why someone is not interested or has stopped replying to emails, just accept that for ‘whatever reason’, it’s time to move on, if they come back great, if not don’t let it perplex you, it is obviously not meant to be at that time, and again, by demanding answers you are in the danger zone of becoming a ‘harasser’.
Basic advice is to look at online dating as a lighthearted affair to begin with, and learn to take rejection like an adult. If someone is not interested, it’s their loss, but to get nasty or accuse people of time wasting is in itself a waste of time. Be mature and adult about it, you don’t have a god-given right to date the people you add as favourites. If you play it cool and respect the dance of pursuit and distance, you will find online dating sites far more rewarding, and once you have fine tuned your approach, and you can apply it to everyday life later!
The main rule of thumb, and one which will stand you in good stead is to never pursue a distancer, it will never work out in the long run and you will save yourself a lot of heartache. Love is a two way game and it needs two people willing to play and do you really want to end up someone just because they ‘gave in’ or would you rather be with someone who genuinely wants to be with you!?