Happy Friggin’ New Year
December 27, 2005
Hello, it’s me Marcus Maximus. How ya doing?? Did ya have a Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, or a righteous Kwanza? (Did I spell those right?) – - Me?? Well, since you asked – - I woke up Christmas morning with the mother of all migraine headaches. Yes – It was a living hell. Spent most of the day in bed, nursing my head, wishing I was dead – - you get the picture. Did eventually get my sorry ass up and (with plenty of drugs) greeted all the people I had invited over to the Maximus household with a bright and cheery face.
I have often thought that BLOGS were the epitome of self indulgence – the end all – be all of self-absorption. Be that as it may, I just couldn’t let Teabags, Milky and the others run away, screaming incoherently down the hallways of the internet, over turning trash cans, banging on drums, pissing off the neighbors, and making a nuisance of themselves (especially Tea – as that we all know what a crazy mixed up women she can be). Of course, I only say this with the utmost respect and affection towards all my Ozamian friends.
So all last week, and this week too, the media has been pumping us with the year in review – and what a crazy, F’d-up year it has been, eh? Disasters, War, Pestilence, Famine, and Michael Jackson? All the crazy bullshit we have been inundated with for the past twelve months has, at least by my calendar, come to an end. Isn’t that convenient? With the magical tick-tock of the clock we will usher in a new year and do our damn best to forget the year before. Clean slate, fresh start, new beginning – - Hooo Aaahhh!! It’s the end of the world as we know it – and I feel fine. Yes-sir-ee Bob, I do – I do – I do.
And you know who’s glad this year is over? George Bush.
No shit.
Wouldn’t you hate to be that poor bastard? Don’t get me wrong – I voted for the guy, I supported the guy, and still do – - but every damn thing that has gone wrong, in the entire world, has been blamed on him. I mean, you’d think the dude was God or something. Tsunami? That was Bush’s fault – he invented Global Warming, you know, which caused the ice caps to melt, which caused more water in the ocean, causing greater pressure on the Teutonic plates, which shifted under the heavy weight of the ocean, which caused the Tsunami, which caused 200 thousand (+) deaths – and it was Dubya’s fault. Same thing with Katrina. Don’t ya know? Kanye West – a very wise man indeed- said George Bush hates black people – so it MUST be true. What is it that Kanye does for a living? Something very profound – I am sure.
And the War in Iraq? No weapons of mass destruction (WMDs)? Ask Syria where Sadam’s WMDs went – they know the deal. Insurgents? Better there than here, I say. You’d think that Al Queda would eventually run out of people wanting to blow themselves up. I mean, there’s got to be only a finite number of people willing to strap on a bomb and go for a walk, eh? Nope – revenge and martyrs walk hand in hand because the Middle East is one seriously dysfunctional land. And let’s not forget who the real mover and shaker in the Middle East was/is – Iran. Those guys are nuts, hate our guts, AND they have WMDs.
Gas prices? You know, if you cut George Bush – he bleeds oil – - so you know that high gas prices are his fault too.
But you know who made out like bandits in 2005? The democrats. Don’t kid yourself – - the Democrats are VERY glad to have lost the 2004 election. Why? Hell, with John Kerry in office can you imagine the mess the Dems would be in? All this anti-war rhetoric would be falling on Kerry’s shoulders like a ton of bricks. And would the war be over right now? Nope. Would our troops be coming home? Nope. And that krazy ass momma, Cindy Sheehan, would still be pitching a bitch and whining about the war and Kerry would just say –“well, we’re are committed to bringing peace to the region, so we can’t leave just yet…†And then pile on everything else that happened in 2005?? Yeah – them Dems are really glad they lost that election – a serious blessing in disguise.
Yeah – 2005 sucked.
The only good thing to come out of 2005 was Ozami.com. But that goes without saying, right?
Well, here’s to 2005 – raise your glass and say a prayer – and shake your ass like you just don’t care!!
I’ll see ya’ll next year.
Max
but I am having fun blogging 
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